When I was in my early twenties my grandfather died and left my grandmother alone, I moved in with her because she didn’t want to be alone. My grandmother taught me so much and everyday when I went to work she made dinner for us. We would sit and chat and she would teach me lessons that you can only learn from your elders.
I remember her saying she didn’t feel good and I asked her if she wanted to go to the hospital and she said no. I remember her complaining about the timer on her coffee pot no longer working and I was going to buy her a new one. I went to bed and woke up with a start as I heard her tv on which wasn’t like her that early in the morning.
I went to her room and knocked but she didn’t answer so I had to unlock the door from the outside and when I opened the door she was lying on her bed dead. The tv was always on for the 11 o’clock evening news so she had died the night before, all alone and I wonder if she called out for me and I didn’t hear her.
The funny thing was that her coffee was made, the coffee pot worked for the first time in week and her african violets had bloomed. It was as if she left me a sign and let me know that she was ok and I would be to, but I wasn’t. I wasn’t ok for a very long time as my grandmother was my mother figure and losing her I lost part of myself.
I lost my grandfather, uncle, and two aunts prior to the loss of my grandmother and it’s as if I went through the same cycle the last 7 yrs of my life. I have buried my brother, aunt, grandmother, husband and father and my mother has had to major strokes and lives in assisted living in Florida so I do not see her.
I have a sister that I never speak with because she is to good for me and she was to good for my mother or brother as well. She always thought she was so much better than we were and so much more intelligent but as for a heart, her heart was made of cement and she has never had any real love her life and that is how she pays for her greed, a loveless life forever.
Thanksgiving is nothing without family and making a dinner is a waste as there is no one to eat it. Shelby likes all the fixings but Ryan would rather have pizza or chicken. I do not know if I will make dinner this year because Shelby will probably go to her boyfriends and Ryan would rather have chicken and I would rather have my family, which will never happen.