Matters Of The Heart

What do you do when you know you love someone but cannot show that person? What do you do when they tell you they love you but its all said online? What do you do with the feelings you have for that person? Do you surface deny those emotions and keep them deep within your heart and lie to the person and tell them you feel nothing for them?

That is what I have had to do to protect myself from great harm to my heart. He says he loves me but only says it online because he refuses to meet me and I have no idea why. Maybe he wants to play the field and fuck a kraut bitch or two or maybe he still likes to sample his once kanuk bitch and I mean nothing to him at all.

I do not believe him that he loves me I have no reason to believe him because he will not say such words to my face. He won’t even break bread with me on my dime so what the fuck am I to believe? He calls me his bitch which is a joke because the truth be known he is my bitch, he follows me like someone lost and he wants me in his bed and he damn well knows it.

I do not understand why he converses with me yet will not meet me but will fly to other countries to meet women. What is wrong with me? I havent had a cigarette in almost a week and im working out trying so damn hard to lose weight but Im sure his overseas bitches are just what the dr. ordered for him.

I would never admit to him that I do love him because he would just laugh at me anyway so what am I to do with such emotions? He won’t meet me face to face and its just as well because he could never feel anything for me other than pity or sorrow. I would so love to be friends with him and just laugh and tease him and see him smile and hear him laugh, really laugh but that will never happen and I have to accept that fact.