She Smiles

Shelby is in quite the festive mood as she put up the xmas tree last night and now she is unpacking a few pieces of the xmas village I hadn’t gotten rid of as of yet. I want no reminders of Bob and his xmas village that took up a complete sheet of plywood and yes it was beautiful but I just dont want and reminders of my husband.

The house is practically empty as I have sold furniture and collectables of his and its strange living in such a barren house. I have so many painful memories of my life with my husband and I just want to forget that part of my life. I have my  children and they are also a painful reminder of what a failure Bob was as a father.

My father never played an active part in my childhood and Bob did everything for Shelby but nothing for Ryan. How can a man be like this? Quite easily, girls are easy boys require work and committment and Bob was very selfish in many ways. I have come to hate xmas as there is never enough money to get the kids anything nice and it’s such a lonely time for me.

I hate xmas shopping because I see so many people laughing and enjoying themselves with another but I am alone and have no one to share the holidays with. The holidays are nothing but cold days and empty frozen nights alone holding onto a pillow for comfort, the holidays are very sad and empty for me and I just want to sleep through them.

Shelby is just enjoying herself as she decorates and puts up the bows and bulbs on the tree. She doesnt care if there is anything under it or not she just is enjoying herself. I just cannot get into the holiday spirit and havent for years as they come and go leaving me as empty as I was before they came.

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