Do Better

The one thing about dating wealthy men is they think they can always do better, get prettier, thinner, smarter ect. and when they get married young they tend to get divorced and then they want to taste everything that they didnt when they were married. Wealthy men play the field and get their pickle wet and after a while they realize they only want one thing.

The problem with that is they sometimes let the “one” get away while they are tasting the other fruit on the tree and the woman who knows her worth will not wait around for them to knock on her door. She will just blow them off and move on because she knows what her value is and he is stupid enough to think she will continue to wait.

When you finally realize what it is you really want and its gone dont cry foul because you did it to yourself and not everybody is turned on by money and fame, asshole.


I have finally realized what I need to improve my life and it is definitely a difl- a dad I’d love to fuck!!! I do not date men that have never been married or do not have children because we are not on the same wave length of life and those type of men tend to be very into themselves and about themselves.

Now a guy that has kids understands the pressures of being a parent, how to accept last minute changes that involve the family and they tend to bring more to the table all the way around. It’s nice to talk to another parent because you can never have enough information, advice or help in the parenting division.

I have finally gotten my head out of my ass and Im going to open myself up to a guy this coming year and yes I am going to let myself get physical and I am no longer going to hope and wish for what will never happen. Im letting that fantasy go after so many years but I know Im wasting my time so fuck it letting go and moving on.

Shake Out The Cobwebs

We can fill our heads with dreams and fantasies and we can let ourselves get a mind full of cobwebs when we feel something for someone but the holidays is when the truth comes out, it’s when we are forced to face the reality that we mean nothing to the person that means everything to us. We know when they are fucking someone from Germany or Canada and we know that we really do not mean anything to them and we are nothing but a way for them to fill their boredom.

They do not care about you and never will and they will never meet you just play with your emotions so it’s time to cut them out of my life and enjoy the new gent I have met at a Christmas party I went to the other day. He’s such a sweet guy and he is really attractive to me and yes this is the first guy that has really really attracted me since my husband died.

It seems that I wasn’t able to find the perfect package but this new guy is pretty special in a unique way and we get on like peanut butter and jelly. He has the cutest little boy and he is so smart and funny, just my kind of guy and I do see myself climbing this tree o ya I see myself climbing this tree real soon, o my I am so bad! lmao

The Hammock

About six years ago I had a hammock put in to hold up my bladder because every time I sneezed I peed or peed when I coughed. This is quite common among women who have children. Well, the problem is back again and has been for quite some time now. It is very uncomfortable as I get up about six times a night to pee and I havent felt good so Im sleeping on and off all day.

I’m having surgery on my shoulder in two days and then Im going back to see the dr. that put the hammock in, evidently there is a problem with the hammocks and additional surgery is required. There is nothing worse than constantly peeing yourself or not being able to make it to the bathroom and so you partially piss yourself.

My daughter has been laughing at me because she thinks its funny that i bought my own sweats for xmas, wrapped them up and she opened them. I didn’t want Ryan to feel bad that he didn’t get me anything but he didn’t care he feels so shitty and is in so much pain. Shelby told me Im the funniest person she knows, lol and she is so funny herself so I guess daughter like mother.

She bought me a kitchenaid which is expensive for a girl who isn’t working and its so considerate of her because she knows how bad I needed a new one. Ryan got pissed because he says I didn’t make any food that he could eat but that isn’t true he is just so damn picky so o well for him. He wants everyone to put him first but he wouldn’t put me first if I were dying.

12 Months

Isn’t it amazing how life can change so much in twelve months? This time last year some people were in France but this year they are here in America. It must be so boring for the wealthy at Christmas time because they can buy themselves whatever they want and the holidays are no longer like they were when we were children.

I thought of you first thing this morning when I woke up and in my mind we were cuddling and enjoying each other, we were laughing and joking and it was a beautiful morning. I miss this so much in my life and I am sure you do as well because I know you do not have romance in your life and I remind you of everything you so miss and need, Merry Christmas, sweetie.

No Punishment

There are people who wonder why God appears to be punishing them but I do not look at God as a punisher. I look at God as a teacher and one that guides us and what we find to be bad moves on our part is a teacher in itself. I know God wants us all to be loved and to love and he wants us to find our soulmates.

God gives us choices and it is up to us to make the right choice for ourselves, sometimes we do and sometimes we do not. I know the only person I think of this Christmas is my “G”, yes I am thinking of you and I can feel your sadness, your inner loneliness and your confusion. You want to be with me so bad as I do you and yes we can be together if you would only let yourself.

I thought you were divorced but not so sure any longer, maybe you  are married but do not live together, I have no idea. I do not care what your marital status is and I know this goes against my grain but I have got to know what there is about you, why I am so drawn to you, why we have had a connection for so many years.

Please let yourself experience me, please spend a couple of hours with me so we can find out what it is that is so alluring. We are so drawn to each other and we cannot deny what we feel so let yourself feel my dear, for once let yourself feel……..


Isn’t it odd how you spend your time talking to me as much as possible online? Isn’t it odd those around you have to practically lock up your computers or phones? Yes, I know you have a shitload of phone numbers, computers, personas and you like to pretend to be someone you are not. Wouldn’t you love to crawl into bed with me and cuddle?

Yes, cuddle because so many women have wanted to fuck you isn’t it funny how even you dont have a satisfying sex life. Yes, even you have gotten bored with your wife as she has you. You can have it all if you really wanted it, yes you could.

The Pull

Ryan got his wisdom teeth removed this morning and now he is in quite a bit of pain, his face is swelling up and he just took a pain pill. Shelby and I went to breakfast while he was getting the surgery and as usual I ate very little and brought the rest home for Ryan. He woofed down the pancakes and took his pain pill and went to bed.

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I do not know what it is with boys but my kid refuses to brush his teeth or shower regularly, he goes in spirts and it’s so weird. His hair is so long and he wont get it cut and it’s so damn greasy from not washing it. It’s so hard raising the opposite sex child because they really do need the same sex figure in their lives.

I will be having my surgery in a couple of days and this household is under repair as Khloe got her nails removed, Ryan is wisdom teeth and me my shoulder. Shelby will be taking care of all of us and aren’t we lucky, lol. I am watching the snow fall and it is so pretty and makes me long for your arms around me, your warmth, your smile.

It’s hard being alone on the holidays because there are so many memories that service and remind me of times I really enjoyed with my family. I hate being alone on the holidays and will be glad when they are over. Big Rick called me and asked if I was going to stop by tomorrow as they have a xmas party every year and every year I go and have a good time.

I think I will come home and maybe make a special xmas video for someone I care very much about, someone who I think of constantly and someone who will one day be with me, by my side, be my friend, lover, confident and soulmate. Yes, one day this will happen but he has to be the one to make it happen.