Everyone deserves to be loved and everyone deserves to feel happiness but not all of us experience these things when we want. We go through the days and nights and have nothing to look forward to but we carry on just the same. We crawl into bed alone with a longing for another so strong that it is hard to sleep.

We wake up with the same longing as we get up and go through our day. We know that person is out there somewhere and we know one day we will be happy with that person but it will not be today as today has come and gone and turned into night. As the days get longer and darker and the nights colder and lonelier I look forward to the day I am happy.

I hate the feeling of mediocrity and I hate being alone but what can I do? Run out and jump into the first available bed? No I will never do that but so want the touch of a man who it is killing me at times. I hate the cold of the empty bed and I hate the silence of the morning, no heart beat of another, no warmth of their body or the sound of them breathing.

I so want to be with him and I do not know how long I can continue to be by myself in such an empty world, such a lonely world, so barren in so many ways. I have David I can chat with and he helps ease the loneliness but he has his own troubles and his wife took off with some guy she met online leaving him and their four year old daughter.

I have been through the roughest part of a marriage and I feel bad for him, he is a good man, good father and he is a passionate,loving and caring person that doesn’t deserve this shit. Im glad I have him to chat with because he makes me feel better about myself and he thinks Im pretty even though I do not see it.


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