I have a restless soul and that is why I have done so many different things in my life, trying to find that perfect fit. I like photography and movies because I see past the picture or the film clip and I see the art put into producing such work and I kind of admire some film makers and photographers.

I like taking pictures but am no photographer and I guess my form art of is cooking great foods and baking. For years I have tried to find that one thing that gave me pleasure and it always comes back to cooking. I have made many a cake in my time and I have made desert tables for weddings but will tell you its a hell of a lot of work.

I still have people calling me to make cakes for them but I no longer do it because it’s to costly to bake from scratch and try to make a profit. You have to be in a very affluent neighborhood and a lot of advertising to make it. I no longer cook or bake for anyone but the kids and that is just fine with me.

It’s nice to have someone share your hobbies with its cool to learn new interests from others and I look forward to meeting that special one that can share my interests and I share his and we pick up some new hobbies together, that is what life is about now isn’t it?

To Giv

Birthdays are special no matter how old you are and you can say it wouldn’t bother you if no one remembered you on your day but we both know different. We secretly want to be acknowledged and presents are always secretly welcome as well and that includes anything homemade which is even nicer to get.

When someone takes the time to say happy birthday to us they are acknowledging us as a person and singling us out from the crowd. It’s a special day and as a kid my birthday was the second most exciting day of the year, next to Christmas of course. I so looked forward to my cake and ice cream and then opening presents was so exciting.

Remember when your birthday was that exciting? Just like a soccer player landing that winning goal, there’s that adrenaline rush as the crowd cheers for you and you alone. Remember looking around the stadium and being mesmerized by all of the fans that you had? Remember how you were so taken aback by such a display of affection by so many you do not know?

That’s how birthday’s used to be when I was a kid, my special day just for me, my special cake and dinner o- how everything was special just for me. As an adult I know longer enjoy opening gifts and there are several people who remember my birthday which is no big deal to me either that there are only a few. 

It’s just nice to know that there are those people who care and want to make our day special for us, yes it is nice to have someone want to take you to dinner or a movie and just chilax with you. It’s nice to have that one person you can do nothing with but just being with them fulfills you completely, yes it would  nice to share our birthday with that one special person.


This shoulder surgery has really been a bitch and painful beyond anything I expected. I havent slept one good night since the surgery and it’s so hard trying to get comfortable. The shoulder is like a breakfast cereal as it snaps, crackles and  pops which I assume is the cartilage. I’ve got the pillows piled up and I flip back and forth trying to get comfortable without any success and it so sux as I lie in bed rubbing the morning chill off of my naked ass.

I’m one of those people who practice the art of learning karate by throwing the blankets on then off again as I get hot and cold all night. I’ve got a pillow between my knees and my naked ass exposed to cool off my lower half as my legs get to hot when I sleep. I like to hold a cold feather pillow to my chest when my upper half gets to hot.

It just feels good to sleep naked and have the sheets on me, between my legs and over my breasts and then thrown off again to expose my entire body to the cool morning air. I get 0ut of bed will my path pre calculated as I run to the bathroom naked, sit on the cold seat and take my morning pee only to run back to bed like a wild woman and dive up under the covers for warmth.

This is the time of day that I start out quite frisky and playful and between the dogs and Khloe my bed is a pet paradise of sorts and its so funny playing with them as they are so silly. It’s funny watching the four legged kids chase each other around the house and poor Gabe is so small he tries to get up on the couch and misses more often than not as he just can’t jump that high, lol.

It feels so good to start the day with a laugh and if it can’t be with someone who shares your life then hell let it be our pets.

To Miss

I miss the feel of a man lieing next to me in bed and I miss the smell of a man on my pillow. I miss the playing in bed and the romance and I miss the laughing and joking and I miss the sweet kisses. I miss making love and it’s literally been years since I have experienced sex and really good sex well hell that has been decades.

I wish I were a guy and I could just jump into bed with someone but that just isn’t me and never will be. I do believe within the next year there will be someone in my life and we will be very happy. It’s hard being alone but the empty bed is the absolute worse thing there is or at least to me it is.

Being a very sexual woman I really need to have my needs met because I can’t stand self gratification and nothing more, I need more I need the feel of a man inside me, beside me, on top of me and behind me. I need to smell a man and run my hands over his body giving him ultimate pleasure.


Life goes on from day to day with nothing exciting happening as I am in constant pain from surgery. I go from bed to couch and the boys join me as we cuddle trying to stay warm. I cannot wait for the weather to change as i hate the cold and only stay here for the kids to finish their schooling.

My life is so boring I cannot stand it as I watch mindless bullshit on tv and spend the day on the net chatting with a few people who claim to love me, lol. I want to move somewhere warm and swim in warm waters and walk on a sandy beach, I want romance and candles, kissing and touching and I want the fuck out of this empty ass life.

I want to run naked in the warm air and I want to do a lingerie shoot, I want to laugh and play and be silly and I want love, lots and lots of love.

Tu Me Manques

All of us need someone to complete us and when we are not with that person it is true we are not complete. We need to have that special one that understands us and disciplines us when need be. We need that person to show us the parts of life we have not experienced because they were not there to show it to us and we need them to make us better people.

The one that completes us may not be with us at this time but they are there waiting for the time to be right, they are waiting for the door to open for them and they are waiting to take our hand and lead us to a better way a better life. We know that person belongs in our life because we think of them constantly, dream of them, wonder about them and pray for them.

Some will try to deny what their heart won’t let them and they long to be with that special person. No one else will fill that void and no one ever will because we are meant to be with that one special person. Is it possible to love someone you have never met? Absolutely and it happens every day but so many are fearful of following their heart.

When you say that you love someone be sure that you really mean it because those words can make or break a soul very easily. You can hope, wish and pray for love to come your way but unless you are willing to open your heart up and let that person be your best friend first you will never find that happily ever after.

The Silent Walk

I thought of you today

As I do every day

Your smile

So engaging

You’re eyes

So alluring

Your kindness


I thought of you today

Locked in your hell

No one ever answering the bell

Your mind controlled

Your every fear

She left the day you turned 18

 I tried to help but failed

 I had my own demons

I tried to survive

We did the best we could

All on our own

I think of you today

As I do every day

You are my brother

You are my friend

You are now safe

Away from all harm

Just Be Yourself

Why is it so hard for people to be themselves? You should be able to show your true self to others but so many people hide behind who they are or what they have. Women tend to hide behind clothes and makeup not wanting a man to see them “bare” and exposed but I have no problem with showing my real self.

I don’t have a problem with a man seeing me naked or without makeup because that is who I really am and beauty is found within the heart and soul. I’m a silly kind of girl with a serious side when I need to be but laughter is the key to my happiness and making others happy makes me happy.

I had this huge zit that took up half of my chin and this thing was like a fucking alien that just kept getting bigger and bigger. I finally went to the dr. and found out it was the merca bacterial infection I picked up at the hospital. Merca is like something you have never experienced as it hurts like hell and is like a huge zit or boil.

It finally healed with medication but now I have a scar which will eventually fade away, no it isnt pretty but hey it’s part of me for a while at least and can be covered with makeup. When you can bare yourself to others no matter what the situation may it be a hug zit or just mustard on your shirt from a hotdog, well that says you are pretty comfortable with yourself.

I think one of the funniest uncomfortable times is when you fart around the person you are dating for the first time. Its an awkward moment which is so embarrassing yet so funny and it’s natural. When you are in a romantic embrace or lieing naked together and out of the blue the fart makes itself known is just so damn funny to me.

I love embarrassing hilarious moments and I can remember swimming in high school co ed and swimming relays with clothes on over my suit and swimming to one end of the pool and removing the clothing and swimming back. Well wouldn’t you know that when I took off my shorts my bathing suit bottom came off with them but I didn’t notice.

I swam bare assed to the other end of the pool and when I reached the end my friends were laughing hysterically at me and telling me I was bare assed. It was funny I must admit and yes I was embarrassed but hey it was what it was. It’s moments like that, that make life funny and you realize that those moments are what makes life, life.