The Silent Walk

I thought of you today

As I do every day

Your smile

So engaging

You’re eyes

So alluring

Your kindness

incomparable

I thought of you today

Locked in your hell

No one ever answering the bell

Your mind controlled

Your every fear

She left the day you turned 18

 I tried to help but failed

 I had my own demons

I tried to survive

We did the best we could

All on our own

I think of you today

As I do every day

You are my brother

You are my friend

You are now safe

Away from all harm

Just Be Yourself

Why is it so hard for people to be themselves? You should be able to show your true self to others but so many people hide behind who they are or what they have. Women tend to hide behind clothes and makeup not wanting a man to see them “bare” and exposed but I have no problem with showing my real self.

I don’t have a problem with a man seeing me naked or without makeup because that is who I really am and beauty is found within the heart and soul. I’m a silly kind of girl with a serious side when I need to be but laughter is the key to my happiness and making others happy makes me happy.

I had this huge zit that took up half of my chin and this thing was like a fucking alien that just kept getting bigger and bigger. I finally went to the dr. and found out it was the merca bacterial infection I picked up at the hospital. Merca is like something you have never experienced as it hurts like hell and is like a huge zit or boil.

It finally healed with medication but now I have a scar which will eventually fade away, no it isnt pretty but hey it’s part of me for a while at least and can be covered with makeup. When you can bare yourself to others no matter what the situation may it be a hug zit or just mustard on your shirt from a hotdog, well that says you are pretty comfortable with yourself.

I think one of the funniest uncomfortable times is when you fart around the person you are dating for the first time. Its an awkward moment which is so embarrassing yet so funny and it’s natural. When you are in a romantic embrace or lieing naked together and out of the blue the fart makes itself known is just so damn funny to me.

I love embarrassing hilarious moments and I can remember swimming in high school co ed and swimming relays with clothes on over my suit and swimming to one end of the pool and removing the clothing and swimming back. Well wouldn’t you know that when I took off my shorts my bathing suit bottom came off with them but I didn’t notice.

I swam bare assed to the other end of the pool and when I reached the end my friends were laughing hysterically at me and telling me I was bare assed. It was funny I must admit and yes I was embarrassed but hey it was what it was. It’s moments like that, that make life funny and you realize that those moments are what makes life, life.

In The Morning

All of us have a morning routine and mine starts with Michael and Gabriel jumping on me and walking the length of my body and giving me wake up kisses. I have been woken up by Gabriel licking my exposed nipple and I was dreaming when he started doing it and I woke up to seeing the top of his head.

I felt so damn perverted and brushed him away and I was so embarrassed and covered my boob up. I try to get myself warm because I sweat so much and then get the chills. I do not know what is causing my body to act in such a way but I am thinking it’s a reaction to the constant pain I am in.

I get out of bed and slide on my pajama pants and robe and relocate myself from the bed to the couch with my pillows. I make my morning tea and toast and chill. The boys come up on the couch next to me and just love to get their loving and they make me smile so much. I dont leave the house unless I have to because I am afraid of falling and hurting myself .

Im hoping a couple more weeks and I am past the pain because I am absolutely miserable unless Im in the tub soaking. I havent worked out in two months and really want to get back into it but until I am healed I cannot. I have finally met a couple of gentlemen and have been chatting with them online and have told them I do not want to meet until I am healed.

This is working out well because we are getting to know each other slowly and I am liking that. Tom and I have so much in common and Im looking forward to meeting him. He’s very handsome and has his shit together but he doesn’t have kids and was married only for a short time so that is a lot of red flags going on there I am thinking.

So back to my morning, I sit and drink my tea looking out the window at the bitter cold and I can see the white give way to green even though spring is long off yet. I can see the robins and hear their babies chirping and I can see the crocuses peeking through the ground. I can actually see myself walking hand in hand with someone special, this is my morning why dont you join me?