In The Morning

All of us have a morning routine and mine starts with Michael and Gabriel jumping on me and walking the length of my body and giving me wake up kisses. I have been woken up by Gabriel licking my exposed nipple and I was dreaming when he started doing it and I woke up to seeing the top of his head.

I felt so damn perverted and brushed him away and I was so embarrassed and covered my boob up. I try to get myself warm because I sweat so much and then get the chills. I do not know what is causing my body to act in such a way but I am thinking it’s a reaction to the constant pain I am in.

I get out of bed and slide on my pajama pants and robe and relocate myself from the bed to the couch with my pillows. I make my morning tea and toast and chill. The boys come up on the couch next to me and just love to get their loving and they make me smile so much. I dont leave the house unless I have to because I am afraid of falling and hurting myself .

Im hoping a couple more weeks and I am past the pain because I am absolutely miserable unless Im in the tub soaking. I havent worked out in two months and really want to get back into it but until I am healed I cannot. I have finally met a couple of gentlemen and have been chatting with them online and have told them I do not want to meet until I am healed.

This is working out well because we are getting to know each other slowly and I am liking that. Tom and I have so much in common and Im looking forward to meeting him. He’s very handsome and has his shit together but he doesn’t have kids and was married only for a short time so that is a lot of red flags going on there I am thinking.

So back to my morning, I sit and drink my tea looking out the window at the bitter cold and I can see the white give way to green even though spring is long off yet. I can see the robins and hear their babies chirping and I can see the crocuses peeking through the ground. I can actually see myself walking hand in hand with someone special, this is my morning why dont you join me?

A Smile

Is there anyone or anything that makes you smile? My boys Gabe and Mike always make me smile and they make me feel loved always. They are always laying on me on by my side and they are so damn comical when they play. They run around the house and it’s so funny watching them and I do am so thankful for them.

2014-01-16 20.10.46When you have as much love to give as I do you either need to have someone you can express this to or you need a pet and I have pets. I have always been the type of person that when I get involved my relationships last a very long time. I stay married when I was very unhappy and have been alone since he died.

Im not looking to trap anyone and one can tell immediately if there is any chemistry between two people, if there is then great but if there isn’t then it’s all good as well and no one gets hurt. I enjoy male friendships and getting silly with my male friends is always so much fun but I would like to be involved once again.

I would like to have someone steady that I can date and spend time with, build memories, laugh and joke and have a good time with. I would love to have one person that I can be sexually active with without fear of catching some disease and someone I can cuddle with. Is this asking too much?

I want to meet someone who I can enjoy and possible have a future with but Im not looking to get married anytime soon or to tie anyone down. I just would like to meet someone with possibilities but it isn’t so easy in this twisted world. Once you have all the material shit you have ever really wanted then all there is left is to find that special someone to share it with.

It’s sharing a sunset together or an early breakfast before riding or a simple lunch next to a stream under a big oak tree, it’s about making each other feel something warm and fuzzy and it’s about making each other feel special. It’s about that one person you constantly think about and want to be with from the moment you wake until you go to sleep and then you dream about them.

It’s about fantasizing about kissing them and touching them, smelling them and loving them, it’s about wanting to give them ultimate pleasure physically not just sexually. It’s about wanting to make that person smile for no reason and its about wanting to do the little things for that person, that is what I want so badly, don’t you to?

 

Fear

It’s been over a year since my son attacked me and tried to kill me and I have lived with the physical pain as well as the emotional pain. He broke several ribs and he shoved me so hard that when I hit the wall I tore my rotor cuff in two places and had to have it sewn back to the bone. The dr. told me I had two of the worse tears he had ever seen and it would take about a year before I totally healed.

The surgery left me in terrific pain and I havent slept well in over a year but even worse since the surgery of course as you cannot sleep the normal way because I have to keep the pressure off of the shoulder. I break out in sweats throughout the day and night and then I get so cold but I generally do not feel well and feel like Im going to pass out

A mother and son relationship is unique and the bond is generally impenetrable but my son put such fear in me at the time and I feel so betrayed by him and yes I know he has an illness which he was born with because of my own genes. He’s a smart boy a loving boy who has been cheated since he was five from the father son relationship and all he has had is me and Im no prize.

I have put myself through hell physically taking care of the people in my life as I have herniated discs and a pinched nerve in my lower back from helping my husband when he became an amputee. I’ve got the pissing thing going on, my shoulder and then I was attacked by some huge fucking zit from outer space which is almost gone.

I have always been so healthy but the stress of all the losses in my life have really affected me in so many ways and my son and I have a good relationship but not like it once was and I do hope we become real close again one day. I think it’s his age that leaves us with a gap as he has to grow up.

He has been badgering me to change the settings on one of my laptops so he can do more gaming but I refuse to let him change a damn thing as he deleted needed drivers and he will not fuck things up again. I told him to leave me alone because I just cannot take his badgering. He told me I l looked terribly miserable which I am and I told him it was because of the daily pain from my shoulder.

He knows he is responsible for the damage and he is embarrassed and feels bad as he should but the pressures of living in this family have been crushing at times for all of us. Im the best mom I know how to be especially with the way I was raised but it doesn’t seem that I will ever be good enough at parenting or good enough for anyone.

Im tired of living in constant pain emotionally and physically and I really have to desire to wake up everyday because I want relief so badly. The cold makes things so much worse for me and feeling like shit everyday gives me no desire to look at anything good coming my way, well because there isn’t anything coming my way.

Relationship Rulers

People spend so much time impressing each other when they first meet, they try to be everything they think will keep the other person’s attention. They will spend hours texting and chatting, skyping and fucking but then things grow old and we become complacent and our relationship falls into routine.

They begin to assume the other person is happy and content and we quit doing the little things because we no longer feel appreciated. It’s the little things that keep us coming back and its so nice to know someone is always thinking about us and wanting to do those little things. Keeping sex alive and fresh is of utmost importance but intimacy is even more important.

There always has to be special time put aside for some crazy and silly times, letting go and being kids again, there has to be stolen kisses and ass pinching and there has to be laugher, lots and lots of laughter. If you can keep the laughter in your relationship you will always have a great sex life because you are open to experiencing new things or so it seems.

Betrayal

There is no greater pain of the heart than to think someone is cheating on you and they try to make you think you’re full of shit. The signs are all there, texts and calls returned eventually instead of immediately like they use to be. You no longer ramble on when together but you attempt to grab out into the silence to put a sentence together.

You no longer hold hands, cop a quick feel or steal a kiss and when you go to bed there is an unspoken silence that lies between the two of you like a thick blanket. But the worse betrayal comes in the form of a disease or bugs. I can remember that early 20’s betrayal when I discovered I had crabs and was so grossed out I was on the phone all night with my aunt until the stores opened.

Those where the days when cordless phones were futuristic and you had about a three foot phone cord that kept you attached to the wall. I went in the bathroom and shaved myself to get rid of the crabs as I yelled to my aunt on the phone how grossed out I was. I think what hurt the most is the fucker accused me of cheating to hide that he was.

The one good thing is we werent married because I would have to get serious and kick his ass. The relationship ended but of course we hooked up several years later for a few brief encounters but once someone cheats things are never the same now are they?

Dreams Dreams

Dreams do come true and I believe with all my heart that even though I do try to deny I feel such things and believe in such things. There’s nothing more romantic than two people walking hand in hand and laughing, playing in the snow, giggling and just being kids again. There’s nothing more romantic than feeling love again or being loved.

Waiting for love for years has been so hard but I have the real think in my heart and I feel that special something for him and him alone. I want to lie with my head on your chest and your arm around me, I want to tell you those secrets that I carry so close and I want to be there for you in every sense of the world.

I know we will be together one day but only you can make that day happen and I do believe we would have so much fun if only you weren’t so afraid, if only…..

All Right

I wake up day after day knowing I am one day closer to my happiness, one day closer to being in the arms of the man I love and another day closer to inner peace. I sit night after night thinking of him and only him, wondering when will be our day? Our time? When will we live the life we are supposed to?

As the pain slowly subsides from surgery I find myself spending more hours in fantasy and flight with the man who holds my heart, come to me babe, lets play and laughter a while, Im waiting for you hon……

Submissive Relationship Winning

There seems to be many power struggles in the world today and the last place that we need an overabundance is in our relationships at home. Men need to feel that they are the dominant role player in most relationships but a smart woman knows this and she is submissive which works out fantastic for both parties.

Being submissive sexually is very exciting for everyone and being open sexually is very rewarding for the couple as well. I believe every woman should have a stripper pole and a room full of sex toys and gadgets so she can always keep her man’s sexual desires satisfied and I believe a woman should take a man to new levels sexually.

It’s not about the orgasm but exploration of the body in different positions which bring the couple closer together. Its like when he straddles me on my side and touches me as he rubs his cock back and fourth between my legs and massages my boobs, we lick and suck on each others bodies enjoying each other immensely.