First Three

The third anniversary of my husband’s passing is coming up in a couple of months and it got me to thinking about the difficulty tied to moving on. It’s hard getting through the “firsts”, the first xmas, easter, thanksgiving ect. without your partner. I carried a tremendous amount of anger towards my spouse for a very long time and I still have some anger left even though I have tried to purge myself from it.

The third year things start to fall into place and you cut the final ties to your spouse or should I say I am cutting the final ties as I plan on putting our home up for sale. I got a call yesterday from someone interested in purchasing my rv and that would be such a blessing. The drive is not one I enjoy taking and I no longer go to the rv as much as I once did because the kids have no interest in going and I have no one to share my time with while there.

I so do hope he purchases it but won’t hold my breath as mercury is going retrograde and that always throws a monkey wrench into the mix. If it does sell I will buy another car that is more reliable and Ryan can drive the Taurus. I have plpd insurance on it and with this going to be his first year driving Im expecting accidents and if he totals the car it would be no great loss as I only paid a grand for it to begin with.

The rest of the money I will put away for emergency’s and once we sell this house and move into a smaller one I will be able to use the money to take the kids on a vacation. We haven’t had a vacation since their dad past and it’s been really hard on them trying to find their place in this world. Hell, it’s been damn hard for me to get through the days but I have managed some how. I am searching for my place in this world but haven’t been able to as of yet.


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