How Lonely

I know how lonely it is to be single but from my own experience I have found it worse to be married and lieing in the same bed with someone who makes you feel lonely. For so many years that is how I felt in bed with my husband, I felt empty and lonely and  I walked through each day wearing my game face and pretending to be happy. Now that I am a widow I find being lonely comes and goes but in my marriage it became every day.

I think the worse thing to live with is being married and wanting to be with someone else because when your spouse wants sex the only way you can perform is by falling into the fantasy you play over and over in your mind. You begin to pick fights over stupid shit and you resent certain things your partner does and if you married young you begin to look at your spouse as if they are your prisoner. You begin to feel cheated out of so much in life and the resentment builds.

There comes a time in our lives when we have to look at ourselves and put our happiness first even though others may be hurt by our decisions, in the long run everyone does accept our decisions and we begin a new life. It isn’t easy to go after your dreams especially if someone is going to be hurt but we also cannot live a life that we are not happy with. Everyone has a right to go after their dreams, hopes and wishes because that’s why we have them to begin with, to strive after.


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