Pristine

I woke up to the sun shining in my bedroom and when I looked out the window I could see reflections in the snow. It looked so pristine, so virginal, so untouched and just beautiful. The sight before me absorbed every feeling within myself and I was so drawn to the “quiet” the view before me held. It was as if there was nothing but purity before my eyes and I felt so much inner peace. It’s not often I feel like this, somewhat melancholy, somewhat sad.

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It was odd to feel so much so early in the morning but it may be because I have been troubled this past week. I did something I swore I would never do again and I got hopeful, yes for a fleeting moment I got hopeful that “he” would finally come stand before me even though deep down I knew it wasn’t going to happen. I hate when I let myself get pulled into believing my dreams will come true as I know better than that but still carry that ray of hope.

I’m so looking forward to spring and getting past the third anniversary of Bob’s passing and then it will be full steam ahead as I put the house up for sale and pack up the last of a once unhappy life and move into a better place within myself. One thing that worries me is bingo our cat we’ve had since Shelby was a baby, he’s twenty years old and will not live to many more years. He is the last connection of  my life with Bob and Shelby is going to be so destroyed when bingo is gone.

I know Im jumping around in my writing but today Im just letting my thoughts flow through my fingers as they come. I wish I had a warm body to cuddle up with and joke and play with, hell I need a playmate! Come play with me sweetie, come on….