How we are treated by our parents has a profound affect on how we live our lives and raise our own children. We either rebel against our own childhood memories or we step into the shoes of our parents. I have chosen to rebel and be someone totally different  than the person I was raised to be.

All of my early childhood memories are of abandonment and abuse, physical and sexual and I have tried to work through all of that through years of adult therapy. I have love for my mother but it’s not an all-consuming love and it’s not the kind of love a mother and daughter should have.

It’s so hard to deal with the fact that I wasn’t wanted or truly loved and I have always felt like I was a burden on my mother. I was nothing more than a paycheck that came in the form of child support. I never had a relationship with my mother and could never tell her anything of importance.

I have raised my children opposite of my mother and no I have not been the perfect parent but I never treated my children the way I was treated. It’s important for a parent to tell their children that they love them and that they are there for them when they want to talk.

We do not realize that we carry all of the love as well as pain into our adult lives and our relationships with others. How we accept or reject love is all based on our childhood. I have come along way through the help of counseling but I still have not deleted all of the demons from my life.

I have so much love to give because I had no one to give it to as a child as it was always rejected. Im have given so much to the wrong people because the love I have been shown was not love at all. I allowed myself to be used because what I thought was love was nothing more than evil dressed in satin.

I have no shame in my game because I have tried to put so much behind me and I have finally learned the difference between love and manipulation. I no longer can be manipulated and taken  advantage of because I can see a user a mile away these days.


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