Unsettled

I have had this terrible pain in my stomach that comes and goes and its associated with a major decision I made at the beginning of the week. When I get upset it settles in my stomach and it shows that I am very upset about something that I really shouldn’t be. Most people get upset cry and let it go but Im not that way.

When something gets me really upset I get sick to my stomach not once, not twice but for days. I do not know why I just cannot cry it out and move on but I cant. I’ve been so sick over this shit that my daughter has been teasing me and asking me if I am pregnant, which of course I am not.

Its not often that things in my life affect me this way but when they do believe me I do so suffer. I can’t sleep for the pain and I’m up most of the night waiting to see if Im going to have to throw up. I slept on the bathroom floor last night because I wanted to be close to the toilet in case my stomach betrayed me.

My daughter knows something is wrong because I get very quiet when Im upset and I do not joke around like usual. I havent told her anything because she is so damn level headed and cannot understand why I get so upset over things I cannot control. I try not to talk to her about things that upset me because she has enough to deal with in her daily life.

I need to learn how to control my emotions instead of letting them control me but it isn’t that easy for me. I’ve always been an emotional person and yes sometimes my emotions get the best of me. I’ve made the right decision for my life but that doesn’t make it any easier for me to live with.

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