For some reason I am remembering when I was never lonely and the holidays were always so happy. I remember being a young child playing in the snow making angels and twirling with my arms out catching the snow flakes. I remember the steel round sleds with the handles on each side as I slid down the hillside.
I remember the hot cocoa by the fire watching traditional movies and I remember my grandmother’s cooking. I remember the Easter baskets filled with goodies and spring turning into summer and swimming in the creek. I remember the laughter and good times and I miss them so.
As an adult there is not a single holiday that has my attention and I no longer hear the laughter or play in the snow. What happened to that little girl? Where did she go? Now I am an adult looking back on happier times as I one day to the next just melt into each other.
Sleeping alone, waking up alone, eating alone and just being alone is how I live my life these days. My heart is sad and I do not know why. maybe it’s because I have given up on a dream that has sustained me for years or maybe it’s because I have finally accepted the finality.