It Lingers

One never forgets when something catastrophic happens to them as a very bad car accident, a rape or someone trying to kill them. My son attempted to kill me two years ago and he would have succeeded if there hadn’t been someone at the house with me that night.

I can remember vividly as he shoved me from behind and I hit the wall and fell to the ground. He picked up the dog cage and started to hit me over and over with it and then he continued to kick me in the ribs. He stood over me telling me he was going to kill me and the fear was like nothing I had ever felt.

I was able to get up and run to the kitchen which had a gallon of milk on the floor from when he had poured it earlier. He slipped on the milk and slid into the stove and I went the other way. He got up and began to chase me and I threw his cell phone at him which broke the spell he was under.

He ran out the sliding glass door and I stood there shaking and in  a state of shock from what I had just experienced. It still lingers as I am fearful to anger him or ask to much of him. He spent six months in the hospital but I will never forget how afraid he made me.

I am afraid to ask him to help me with things around the house as I am fearful that he may just kill me if he gets angered enough. I now know he is quite capable of it but would he, I do not know but I will not put myself in a situation to find out. You never know anyone really no matter how many years you have known them and I can no longer trust anyone 100% because I have seen the flip side of my husband as well as my son.

I have suffered much mental and physical abuse in my life and I know only to well that there is a side of everyone that is hidden until they feel the need to unleash the evil within them. I hide medications and I pray that he will not get angry enough to stab me to death even though I do not think he would just like everyone he could just like anyone else.

There are days we get along great and then there are days that he gets mad and I just shut up and let him go on his way. Is this good parenting? With my prior experiences I find it easier and safer to just let him be and do the best I can by myself for myself and my kids.

Winter Bite

This has been one of the roughest winters in many many years as we have had so much snow and sub zero temperatures. The windchill has kept the kids from going to school and it’s been so cold that I have had to let Gabriel and Michael go to the bathroom in the garage.

They are so small and low to the ground that I was afraid their little winkies would get frost bite. I have let them out a few times and they come in shivering so I refuse to subject them to the cold and I can always clean up after them in the garage. I know most people would think this isn’t right but it isn’t right to let them out in the cold and it’s so cold they cannot do their business without shaking.

I love my pets and I would rather see them comfortable than freezing and if all I have to do is pick up after them then so be it. My son gets on me about letting them go in the garage but he isn’t the one shaking uncontrollably. It has been so cold that the linoleum in the kitchen and bathroom of my rv cracked.

My daughter and I took a ride up to the rv to show to a prospective buyer and I was shocked when I walked in and saw the floor cracked from one end to the other. I will have to replace it as soon as it gets warm and yes I will do it myself because I know how and I can.

The guy next to me is selling his rv for just a bit more than I am selling mine so I am going to have to take a look at my pricing even though it is quite low. People want something for nothing and the jerk I showed it to today was looking for a unit with bunk beds. Why didn’t he specify that before I drove all the way up there?

I will not drive an 1 1/2 hours again until it gets warm because I need to take care of some things on the rig and why waste time when you cannot do anything but freeze your ass off? I hate the cold and I am looking at moving but not quite sure where would be the best place for me in my old age.