Life After Death

When we lose someone we love we lose a part of ourselves as that part of our life dies with the person. It doesn’t matter if your relationship wasn’t that good or if it was great because it seizes to exist with the last breath of that person. We miss the communication with that person and it is so damn hard to open up to someone new.

I have moved on since my husband’s death but there isn’t a day that goes by that I do not think of him. We take the love inside with us and it’s something we never forget. It’s hard to let go of the memories as I walk through this house and I remember so many times we shared together.

The pain was blinding and it engulfed my being because to watch him slowly die made me want to die as well. I cannot stand to see anyone in pain may it be physical or mental and it broke my heart to watch him slowly lose the man that he once was. It doesn’t matter that we were never in love because we had built a life together.

I have been able to get along without him but I have never forgotten the good as well as the bad. I cared for him up to the last minute of his life and it wasn’t easy, not one bit. What do you talk about with the person that is dieing? Do you speak of them leaving you? No, you speak of the good times and you  try to make them laugh as much as possible.

My life will be lived again when I sell this house leaving the memories behind me. It is hard sleeping in the same bedroom even though I have a new bed and it’s hard looking out the sliding glass door and seeing that “Nazi” motherfucker’s house. My husband always called our builder a Nazi motherfucker, lmao.

I want to open my heart to someone new but it is so hard for me to trust anyone because of the scammers and liars I have ran across. One day soon my life will change for the better and the one that I am meant to be with will be standing by my side giving me the love that I need.

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