Lately my thoughts have been on my husband and his death and this is because April is the month he passed as well as his birthday. We have had no family for quite a few years now and all of my husband’s family has passed except his two daughters and a sister in law that didn’t get on with him. It is expensive to have a funeral and I didn’t have the money for a big one so I ended up renting the casket for an hour so my kids could say good bye to their dad. I didn’t think his death would hit me as hard as it did but yes I was knocked to floor when I stood by his casket.
The kids and I walked up to the head of his casket and my knees buckled as I hit the floor and had one hand on the casket. The kids just looked at their dad and the shock of my reaction really knocked them for a loop. After a few minutes of on my knees crying uncontrollably my kids got on either side of me and helped me stand once again. My husband actually looked good as if he were sleeping and I stood there as seventeen years slipped away, my mate had moved on to another life and my life would be changed forever.
No one can understand what happens to us when we bury our mate and you cannot express or explain your feelings to anyone other than someone who has experienced the same loss and pain. I can remember the day of his funeral so clearly as I walked through that day in a fog and my legs moved me with no direction of choice. I chose to have a private moment with my husband and I cried like I hadn’t cried in years and it was so difficult for me to breathe as our time together would be gone forever.
I kept my step daughter involved in the funeral process and that little bitch really fucked me over big time as I gave her the opportunity to set up the date that he would be laid to rest after he was cremated. That evil child told me the date to open the grave had been set for Saturday and I happened to call the funeral home about death certificates and I asked them if the grave was going to still be opened at 10 a.m. on Saturday. The woman totally freaked as she said that the grave was opened on Friday at 10 a.m.
My step daughter cheated me out of saying my final goodbyes and she also cheated my kids as well but that will come back to haunt her one day I assure you. I do not care how you feel about someone you NEVER fuck with the date of a funeral and you never cheat someone out of their final goodbyes. She will experience something catastrophic one day and she will feel what I felt and then and only then will she feel bad about what she did if she doesn’t already. People can be s damn evil at times but in the end it all comes back in the form of karma.