I am a believer that those that have crossed over come back into our lives and they validate that they are with us in one way or another. I have been thinking so much about my departed husband lately and it is as if he is standing next to me. He comes to me and he tells me things that people would think are complete bullshit but I know better because I believe he comes back to visit me. He tells me that someone special is coming to me but the person is so afraid of their feelings that they try to run from what they feel.
He tells me this man is to be a major influence in my life and he will change my life forever once he allows himself to feel again. My husband assures me that I will not be alone that much longer and that this man is the gift from God that I have waited my entire life for. My husband tells me he is sorry that he didn’t give me what I needed but he gave me two children which is part of what I did need at that time in my life. He tells me it is time to sell my home and to move on leaving the memories with the house and he tells me to let go of the anger.
He knows that I am still pissed at him and he tells me that the sooner I let go of the anger the happier I will be and of course I already know that. He also has told me that I am making the right changes in my life and that the upcoming surgery I am going to have is exactly what I have needed for a very long time. He tells me that I have been cheating myself by hanging onto the memories that bring me such pain and that I am also cheating my children and I must let go.
He tells me that I have to open my heart and let love in but I am just not there yet even though I may think I am. He tells me to let the love in and quit sending out such negative vibrations and start sending out more positive energy. He told me that my new website is a teaser and that the site is nothing like what people think it is about. How would he know this? How would he have this information? He tells me the little boy that comes to me is relying on me to bring happiness into his life through his father.
When I was growing up I lived on my grandparents farm and they lived off of the land going into town only for items such as toilet paper or possibly laundry detergent. My grandmother probably made her own laundry soap I do not remember but I do know that my grandparents butchered their own meat and grew their own fruits and veggies. My grandmother used to chop the heads off of the chickens and then she would pull out all of their guts and then submerge them in a huge container of boiling water.
She would build a fire and put the metal container on to boil and then she would dunk the chickens in the water to make plucking their feathers so much easier. I can remember her cutting of their heads and hanging them from the cross bars on the swing set to drain their blood. I loved being raised on a farm and going into the garden to snatch a fresh tomato or two and take bites of the juicy fruit and letting the juice run down my chin. Most women of today would be seriously grossed out if they had to see a dead chicken let alone a dead chicken with no head.
I think raising children on a farm teaches them so much that can not be taught in the city and the love of the land is something that is special and unique. There is nothing that smells better than a handful of the earth and I have been very fortunate to grow up with the land being my leader. I love the smell of a barn and horse and cow manure excites me not gross me out because I love the farm and the animals that make up a farm. There is something special about a farm and you really appreciate it more if you grew up on a farm.
I would love nothing more than to retire to a farm and enjoy what comes with farming and believe me I wouldn’t miss the city a single bit. I am quite content with watching the grass grow and watching Gabe and Mike run free in the field behind my house. I would give up everything to go back to the days when I was just a young child living off of the land and happiness came in the shape of a home made apple pie or fried chicken and biscuits. How I miss those days so much and long to go back to those days.