People that have never been raped have no idea what it does to the psyche of the victim and how it changes so much about the victim. Rape is a crime of control it is not one of the need or desire for sexual gratification and it is not a crime of orgasmic enjoyment. The rapist is one that requires the need to be in control at all times and many rapists are lacking in endowment and many have small penises which is an embarrassment to them. The rapist cares nothing about their victim and they gain much enjoyment from making their victim feel “small” as they violate them.

I have learned to live with my violation and I have refused to let it define me in any way as so many victims do. You can either fall as a victim and stay a victim or you can learn as much as you can about your perpetrator and try to understand why you became their victim. Sometimes you can make sense out of it but most of the time the truth is you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. No woman brings rape upon themselves and how you chose to dress or act has nothing to do with how the rapist thinks and what makes him act out.

My experience happened long before dna was discovered and it took years of therapy and different therapists to teach me that I was a victim of someone who needed to feel that they were in control. The rapist wants nothing more than to bring shame upon their victim and they refuse to take responsibility for their actions as they blame their victim saying that the victim “asked” to be raped and violated. The rapist has some very sick and twisted ideas and they will never take responsibility for their actions.


Today started out like every other day as the boys ran the length of my sleeping body and then licked my face until I woke up then they went to the sliding glass door and barked at the deer in the backyard. This is an every day occurrence and I guess if it bothered me that much I would close the drapes. I like to wake u to the sun streaming in the window because it gives me such a good feeling and I actually feel like getting up and getting motivated for the day.
I had to go get blood work done first thing this morning before I ate breakfast as I was also getting my sugar checked for my upcoming surgery. This is the year I am getting things fixed that are wrong with my health and I started the end of last year with my rotor cuff surgery. The shoulder still isn’t back to normal but I keep working it and I wake up every day in pain as I sleep on my right side to much and it hurts when I wake up. They took twelve vials of blood and they are checking everything from my thyroid to how much nicotine is in my system but they wont find any as I quit smoking.
I am trying to get as healthy as possible because the older I get the more things go wrong with my health and I am trying to stop bad habits before they end up killing me. I hope all goes well and I can get the surgery out of the way by the middle of next month at the latest. I do not believe in getting any type of facial surgery to enhance someone’s age but this show my daughter watches about some rich bitches of New York City make me want to drive those bitches to get surgery as they are all so unattractive and some of them could even use braces, lol.
I am no beauty queen but I am not on tv telling that  I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed but I am pretty, which she is not attractive at all. I guess beauty is all in the eyes of the beholder as some people think I am very attractive while others think  I am fat and ugly. I really do not care what those women look like because  I pay attention to their personalities and every one of them are ugly on the inside and they are all jealous and envious of each other which is nauseating.