65

Tomorrow is my husbands 65th birthday and no matter how much I do not want to think about him I am thinking about him most of the day. I am trying not to shed any tears as my daughter knows that tomorrow is his day and as his daughter she will also remember that he passed on the 26th of this month as well. The pain in this house is so loud I cannot run from it nor can I hide no matter how much I want to.

It was a terrible time the last month of his life and I feel as if I am reliving every one of those days and I am so torn apart in my heart. No one knows the ain I have gone through and no one knows what it is like for me to lose my spouse no matter what the situation was at the time. With every beat of my heart is another stabbing pain as I miss him so and I am still so mad at him for leaving us.

I do not know how long it will take for me to get over the loss of my husband because the visual is just so in my face and I see him as he was and then the way he was when he passed. I so remember holding him and feeling every bone in his back as I hugged him. I want to forget the past but the past just wont let me forget and it keeps knocking like someone at my front door, so loud and so intrusive.

Keep Em Closed

I have always been a very honest person and that includes being honest with my kids. My daughter has asked me so many questions about sex and I have told her the truth about everything she has asked me. She asked me what sex felt like the first time and I told her imagine what it would feel like to wear her labia’s on her ears lol and yes she knows what her labia are. She knows about her body parts and reproduction and she isn’t one to give herself to just anyone.

She tells me about this radio station she listens to and how these girls just fuck anyone, these girls are young mothers fucking a guy in the backseat of her car behind a restaurant restaurant and she thinks very little of having sex on the first date or even the second. I don’t know how I could be such a good influence on my kids but I am actually very respected by them when it really counts. My daughter knows that once you fuck a guy the mystery is gone and they will throw you away as easily as a used paper bag.

My daughter is such a Capricorn as she is so mature yet young and she is so dedicated to her future and her desire to be an independent woman. I am very proud of my daughter because you do not run across many 19 yr old virgins that have their heads on straight but she is one of them. Some people may think I am out of control but if you look at my kids then you see how I  really am as a person.

I am a parent that will direct my kids as I see fit and being honest is so damn important to me as blowing smoke up someone’s ass doesn’t help them in the long run.Im glad that I am not one to be able to give my kids everything they desire and that they have to work for what they get in this life as that is how character is built and my  kids have already experienced more life than most kids in this world.

Courting

Men no longer court women because women no longer respect themselves enough to be treated like real ladies. Women jump into bed with the guy on the first date and of course he will fuck her and maybe call her again the next time he wants to get laid. Everyone eventually wants to settle down with that one person that is their perfect fit and we are always looking for that special one.

I think courting is so important to the development and growth of any relationship as courting gives you the required time to get to know that person. Courting is the time that you experience new things together and you find out what you like and do not like about the person and if there is a deal breaker or two between you. When your gut tells you that the person is just wrong for you then follow your gut.

Courting shows you so much about the person, what makes them laugh, what makes them sad, what embarrasses them, how they react when someone around them is in pain may it be emotionally or physically. Women can be so controlling and catty and that is the type of woman you do not want in your life but if she is the type that will treat you like a king until you give her shit and she throws it back in your face then she’s a keeper.

There are women who appear to have an inpenetral exterior but that is nothing more than a veneer to hide the hurt and pain they have experienced. If you are attracted to someone give them a chance to show their real self because I can guarantee you that she is a pretty wonderful person in the main. Never blow someone off until the third date because by the third date they feel comfortable enough to let the real self come through.