Unfair

When I found out my grandmother had been put in a nursing home in florida I flew right down there. My grandmothers boyfriend didn’t want me staying at my grandmothers home which didn’t make any sense to me at the time. He didn’t want me staying there because the new trust that had been drawn up was in my grandmothers house and my sister didn’t want me to get it. My sister used my grandmothers boyfriend to get a new trust drawn up and to get my grandmother put in a nursing home.

My husband flew down with the kids and he told them that they were going on vacation and when I showed him the new trust he said I would lose it so he took it. Well the dumb mother fucker put it in a bag next to the couch in the spare room and my sister went into that room and was going through my husbands bags and she took the trust. That trust was set up so I got fucked out of my inheritance and it went to my sister and my grandmother’s boyfriend.

My kids got fucked out of their inheritance as they were originally eft 10k each but my sister had that changed to 1000 each. I get so pissed over that situation because I got so fucked but my kids got fucked as well. I try to let go of that time in my life but it never fails something happens to bring it up and I get so mad. My husband fucked up so many times when money was involved and of course it was never money he was entitled to.

On a positive note the money will pay for school this summer for Shelby and Ryans money will be put away for him to use on his education or whatever he wants to spend it on. I am telling him it has to be put away for school but who knows if he will listen or not. Just like today he didn’t go to school again and had a dr. appointment which I took him to and the kid goes in and sees the dr. for a nano second and reschedules the appt.

I have to pay a copay for every dr. appt. and it may not be much but it is money wasted and that doesnt sit well with me. He’s going to learn the hard way that his mom isnt going to let him continue to shit on her once he graduates from high school. He better clean up his act in the next year or he will be out on his ass without me there to be treated like a fucking door mat. Im just beyond frustrated right now and I so need a vaca.

Behind

Behind the medicine cabinet is a place to hide from the pain and loneliness, a little round pill can help with the loss and depression and that little round pill can make the darkness stay away. It’s a lonely life I live and I wish I had someone I could talk to when I feel the need which is every day. I would so love to have a penpal, someone who I could confide in and tell my deepest fears to.

I have my friends but I do not tell them about the things that really matter to me, I do not tell them about things that are very private. I keep my feelings to myself about that one special person in my life and I know if I told them about him they would think I am crazy and full of shit. I do believe I know who I have been dealing with for several years but then again I have only one conversation that I can reference that makes me believe I am speaking with someone who has left a huge mark on the world.

I know very little about his private life as he has kept that to himself and I have no idea if he is still married or divorced or maybe he is m arried and they just live apart. I didn’t know who he was for the longest time and when I found out or should I say I am assuming to know who he is I thought to myself, why would he have any interest in the likes of someone like me? But then I stood back and realized he lives in such a plastic world with plastic people who I guess I would be a breath of fresh air.

I dont want his money or to grab onto the coat tails of his fame, I do not want gifts or fancy trips all I want is arms to hold me, someone to surround me with layers of love and honesty, all I want is to feed chickens in the yard and smell the headiness of the earth. I am not one for diamonds and pearls but give me a pair of boots and some farm land and I am thrilled beyond belief. I am wanting to much? Am I asking to much?