To Follow

Why do you follow

You know I feel

So damn hollow

Im a soul

That doesn’t

Feel whole

Do you care?

If so then

Why don’t you share

Yourself with me?

Am I not pretty enough?

Am I not smart

But am to tough?

Do you not know

My feelings are so

Screwed up and

I do not know

Which way to turn

Please give me

What I so badly need

Or leave my life

and let me be

Hold Back

You want to feel her skin, you want to taste her lips, you want to smell her hair and feel it’s thickness and  how luxurious it is. You want to taste her essence but most of all you want to feel being inside of her. This woman is so alluring, so attractive to you but it is not her looks that attracts so much as it is her beliefs and her humor. This woman is funny, kind and caring and she is they type of woman you fantasize about constantly but refuse to let yourself be with her.

You my dear are afraid, so afraid that she will call you out when you try to use your name and fame to draw her in, you fear that she knows who the real you is and you cannot control her like everyone else in your life. You know that you have bought everyone in your life and you fear that you cannot buy her as well, which you cannot. She will never dance to the tune you play and you can never purchase her like the rest because this is one woman who refuses to let herself be bought.

You fear her rejection and you fear that she will tell you exactly what you need to hear not what you like to hear and no she will not blow smoke up your ass to make you feel like a man. You so want to put your hand on the back of her neck and look into her eyes seductively and draw her close so you can kiss her, so you can possess her, so you can make her yours and yours alone. You are so afraid of this woman because you know you cannot play mind games with her and win.

You want, want, want to be with her but you are so damn afraid that she wont buy your shit and she wont play your silly games and you fear her strength. You will never own this woman like the others and you can buy her furs and jewels and she will throw them back at you because they are not what she wants or needs. There is one thing you possess that she wants from you but you cannot figure it out because you look in all the wrong places and all the wrong spaces, all she wants is you to be yourself, the real you, the vulnerable you for once.

Me Me

Some people are all about me, they think the world revolves around them and them alone and this is nothing more than arrogance. I have found people who are financially well off are for the most part impressed with themselves and they really are assholes. I really have no room in my life for those that act that way and their behavior totally turns me off but they seem to think they are impressive and others should feel privileged to be in their company.

I dont care if you own the damn red wings and a slew of hotels if you think highly of yourself in an arrogant way then there is no room in my life for you. I go to different events once in a blue moon and I run across wealthy, stuffy assholes who think I should feel fortunate to be in their presence. I once met a famous attorney from our area and he told me I was lucky to have met him and I told him “no, you are lucky to have met me” and of course he stepped back and looked at me in shock.

No one is lucky to meet me as I am no one special that people would be impressed to meet and I do not get impressed by anyone as money and prestige do nothing for me. I do not want to be wealthy or famous and I have no desire to attach myself to anyone that is. I have met some very prominent people in my time and every one of them act as if they are all that when the truth is they aren’t anyone that draws my attention or my desire to spend time with them.

The thing that draws me someone is their personality not their appearance and I have found very attractive men make the biggest assholes and are so damn arrogant. I for one just like a simple man with simple likes and dislikes and he doesn’t need to drive bmw to attract my attention. When people are real and themselves is when they are the most appealing to me but I have learned never to date someone who isn’t of the same or better standing than myself because that is when I have been used the most, for what I had.

Droplets

I woke up to the sound of rain dancing off of my back porch and windows and what a lovely sound it is to wake up to. I rolled over and snuggled up with my favorite blanket and feather pillow and positioned my foam pillow under my arm that is still on the mend. The feather pillows just do not give the support required to alleviate the pain from the shoulder. I just love the feel of the softness of the blanket against my naked body and the boys just love it when I say good morning to them.

I laid on my side looking at the rain pouring down and the boys ran up my body like it is a plank and planted kisses on my cheek like they do every morning. When you are alone the next best thing for comfort is your pet and they boys get so rambunctious in the morning because they cannot wait to get outside. When it is to cold or pouring rain I just let them do their business in the garage and clean it up later because I do not want them cold and wet.

I like watching the rain droplets race down the window as if they have anywhere else to go and its just so soothing listening to the rain and so relaxing. There is nothing that compares to the smell of rain or the sound and the effect it has on me. I so enjoy  cuddling in the rain because it is so romantic to me and it just feels so damn good to have that special blanket on me and a special man beside me but these days it’s just me and my pillows and blanket for comfort.