Father Knows

Now that I am a mother as well as father I have to figure out how to talk to my son about sex and using condoms. How the hell do men talk to their sons about these matters? How do they teach their boys to use condoms? I mean seriously do you get a banana and show them how to put the condom on the banana? Do you give them the condom and let them learn for themselves? Do you take them to a prostitute? My son hasn’t had his first girlfriend yet but this problem plagues me.

My daughter was easy to teach because, well we are both women and teaching her how to tame that bush, take care of herself during periods and so on wasn’t to difficult. She asks me questions all the time about having babies and sex and I am brutally honest with her because I do not want her being a mother before her time. My son, well I do not know how to deal with him on a sexual level or any other level for that matter as he is quick to temper and get mad.

When my kids were younger I had people tell me not to give them to much information as they were not ready to handle it but that is just bullshit to me. In today’s world you have to assume your kids know more than you do because most of the time they actually do. Kids grow up way to fast in this world and they look to their peers for total acceptance and with the internet and tv kids are learning so much younger year after year. So I wonder if I should just sit in the great room with a banana and condom and when my son walks in start putting the condom on the banana? I have no doubt he would bust out laughing at me and call me sick or something like that, lmao.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is one of the hardest things to do for most people and I am no exception and I am actually someone who doesn’t forgive easily. My son has been treating me so poorly lately and he treats me as if I mean nothing to him at all. Today, he came home from school and I took him up to Buffalo Wild Wings for dinner and he apologized to me for being so out of control the other day. It hurts me when he treats me like shit but it makes me mad that he does it.

I have been working on forgiving people in my life for the bad things they have done to me and I am making strides but still haven’t let go of my anger completely. I have tried so hard to forgive my sister but truth be told if she was dieing and needed my blood I would let her die. I know that sounds bad but she doesn’t love me and never did and she would sell me down the river for a nickel and not think anything of it. I know we are supposed to love and support family members but I have also learned that when they are toxic you must cut them out of your life.

I havent seen my sister in over five years and I do not miss her one bit because we were never close and she was always about herself and didn’t give a shit about anyone else. She will die a lonely old woman and that is her cross to bare and I will not spend a penny to bury her. She doesn’t even know my children’s names or ages and she has never given them a single thing for xmas so why should I feel anything for her? I still hold anger against my husband but I am getting better at letting go of that anger as things get easier in my own life.

I think once I sell my house things will change so much in my life as I will be able to put many negative things behind me and I will be able to open myself up to love. I have lived without real love for so long that I have almost forgotten how important it is to have love and to give it. I will meet someone who will treat me the way I deserve to be treated and I will be able to give them all the love I have held in check for so many years. It’s hard opening up to someone but if I don’t I will be lonely and alone forever.