There Comes A Time

When we have something devastating happen to us we must go through a grieving period and no one can put a time frame on the healing process. There comes a time that we must let go of the pain, the memories, the reminders that we live with day after day. For me I have been slowly moving forward but never the less I have been moving forward in my life as I have let go of much pain as well as material shit that has tried to keep me living in the past.

We do not realize how much material possessions keep us in a state of limbo and when we end a relationship regardless of how it ends we also must make a physical move to let go of the memories of the place we shared with that person. Grieving is very personal and individualistic but more often than not I have found people wanting to let go and move on from their apartments or homes they shared with a loved one. Not to many people will stay in the same space but there are always those that hold onto a space and never move from it.

I do not know how people move on while staying in the same home and sleep in the same bed they shared with someone else and I do not know how people can forget and open themselves up to someone new and share that space with them. I know that when I sell this home and move to another one I will not be sharing that home with a man, absolutely not going to happen because if he wants to be with me, we will find a new place for the both of us.

I know I never want to sleep in the same bed that someone shared with a long term relationship or for that matter a quick fuck and I  no that isn’t being realistic but the thought of sleeping and having sex in a bed that he has already christened with another just so turns me off. I can actually visualize things I would rather not see but my mind is like a kaleidescope as I see and dream in color as well and I feel so uncomfortable when these visions appear.

I do not think I will be bringing anyone into my new home because it’s like the space is just for me and my children and maybe that is being selfish but I just do not see myself ever having a man spend the night with me and my children under the same roof. I am thinking if anyone wants to be with me they are going to have to do the entertaining because the older our kids get the less likely they are to accept another person in their parents life. I hope my kids would accept another man but I have no way of knowing until it happens.