Health Wise

We tend to take our health for granted but as we age little things creep up on us, arthritis being the number one pain we feel and other problems start to show themselves. I decided last  to start taking my health serious and start getting myself taken care of health wise. I had surgery on my shoulder and I saw my cardiologist and neurologist and got a clean bill of health.

I am having surgery on the 28th of this month and probably will end up having another surgery in six months. I have had my mammogram and my colonoscopy so I have taken care of the most important health issues and preventive measures. We take our health for granted until something bad happens but I am getting caught up on that front.

The surgery on the 28th is going to change my life tremendously and no it isn’t cosmetic surgery. I do not believe in cosmetic surgery of any kind unless it is required to help a medical issue. I will no doubt need to have surgery on my nose but it isn’t for cosmetic reasons, I have issues with my septum that need to be taken care of.

My biggest worry is diabetes as my brother died from it and almost every family member has had it. It is up to me to do everything I can to avoid getting it and I will do what ever I have to to avoid it. I eat healthy and I actually eat very little but you would never know that by my weight and I hate it. I am who I am except me for who I am and the way I look or get the fuck out of my life is exactly how I feel.

Bury It

Ya he still has it and always will but I will no longer allow myself to care about him no matter how much it may hurt me. It’s time to bury any emotions I have for him and it’s time for me to let someone else in my life. It’s time for me to let a man love me, touch me, share my good as well as my bad.

No, it will never be him and I have to accept the fact that I will never be good enough for him to talk to face to face let alone spend any time with me. He has had it all for so very long and he has been able to pick and choose the women he has wanted in his life but I will never be one of them because I am just common.

Good bye my dear and my best to you, hopefully you find what you are looking for and hopefully she doesn’t break your heart.

Bury It

Ya he still has it and always will but I will no longer allow myself to care about him no matter how much it may hurt me. It’s time to bury any emotions I have for him and it’s time for me to let someone else in my life. It’s time for me to let a man love me, touch me, share my good as well as my bad.

No, it will never be him and I have to accept the fact that I will never be good enough for him to talk to face to face let alone spend any time with me. He has had it all for so very long and he has been able to pick and choose the women he has wanted in his life but I will never be one of them because I am just common.

Good bye my dear and my best to you, hopefully you find what you are looking for and hopefully she doesn’t break your heart.

Smiling Eyes

I have such sadness come over me and I have no idea why as I am happy to see that he was feeling victorious once again. I just feel so sad and maybe it’s because when I see his smiling eyes it’s only when he is the center of attention and he’s doing something that makes him feel good about himself.

I can remember long ago when he chatted with me and I asked hi if he was happy and he said no how sad I felt for him then. He smiles, laughs and jokes and everyone thinks he is happy go lucky but I know different. He is playing the field and some days are better than others but no he is not a happy man.

I so do hope that he has many more opportunities to play for charity because he shines and it makes him feel so accomplished. Yes, he has money and fame but when a man retires he looses a huge part of his identity and what made him feel real good about himself. I have never met this man but I do know he is more than a legend and he is more than a retired soccer player.

I wish he could see himself through my eyes because I do not see him as everyone else does, I do not worship him or want to touch him because he is famous. I didn’t know who he was for the longest time but he wanted me to know who he was as if his fame and fortune would impress me and I would want to fuck him like all the others. Truth is I would like to meet him so I could answer questions that have plagued me for so long but as far as his fame and fortune, no I do not want any of it.

That Feeling

 When you are known for your ability to be very good at a sport and your entire life has revolved around “being the best” and you actually are you learn to live a certain way and you expect to be treated a certain way as well. When you have the spotlight and fame you come to expect nothing less and you live your life as a wealthy person does.

You have your entourage and so many of them rely on you for their paycheck and some even want to ride the wave of your fame. Then you become injured and can never recover fully and that leads to retirement. You have lived your life for that feeling you get when you score and the roar of the crowd.

You slowly age and wish you could still play the game as you once did but you know you never will. You then go through life investing and doing charity events and if you are lucky you get a glimmer of hope that you can perform as you once did. You play charity games and you get that feeling once again as you score not one but two goals.

Even age can never kill that excitement within you when you are on the field and the camaraderie with your team mates actually gives gives you a hard on. It’s that feeling in the pit of your stomach that makes you dance and feel so damn good even though the feeling is only short lived you still feel pretty damn good about yourself.

I watched him score his points and the smile on his face told the story in it’s entirety as he exuded such happiness and how thrilled he was. I so wish to see that smile more and I could actually feel the excitement within him as he scored. I do believe he is happiest when he is playing a charity event because it takes him back to happier times and that makes me smile to know he is happy for that short period of time.

Chivalry

Chivalry isn’t dead but it sure seems to be as most men no longer realize that opening the door, pulling out the chair, taking the woman’s jacket, picking up a fallen napkin and such mean so much. Women want to be treated with respect, as if they are the golden nugget and we like to see that a man cares.

I have dated my share of men and I can honestly say about 1% were true gentlemen, men that paid attention to detail and respecting me. I think parents are forgetting to teach their children well and I think in today’s world most parents were not taught how to treat others and so they teach their kids nothing in the way of chivalry.

I am old school and I expect to have the door opened for me and the chair pulled out for me. I expect to be the center of attention when I am with a man and if I am not then I will not date the man again. When you date someone the world should revolve around you and you should give the gentleman the same amount of attention.

When I am with anyone I always look them in the eye because eye contact tells you so much about the person. It shows confidence and you can tell that person is self assured. Even a shy person can open doors with a little eye contact. The one thing that really attracts me to a man is his sense of humor, who doesn’t love to laugh? I’m a comical person and I really like to make people laugh because it breaks the ice and makes the other person feel at ease.

Loose

I do not know how women in other countries are but I do know that the women here haven’t been taught how to be ladies. The women in the states have no self control or self esteem or they wouldn’t jump in bed with a man so quickly. It’s no secret that a man can get laid quite easily and all he has to do is go to a bar.

Women get intoxicated and they forget who the hell they are and they end up fucking the first guy that buys them a drink. I may sound like a prude but I am not I just cannot understand how today’s women can allow themselves to be so devalued and used up. It’s no wonder men have no respect for women and it’s no wonder we live in a world going to hell in a hand basket.

I refuse to jump into bed with someone on the first date or even the second in fact it could literally take months to get me in the sack because I do not want to be someones fuck for the night and they move on. I have a daughter that thinks the same way so I know I am not someone unique it is all in how we raise our kids.

Departed

When someone we love passes away for the most part we have a difficult time moving forward in our lives. We live with guilt, sadness, depression and the loss ways heavy on our hearts. The hardest thing for us to do is to forgive ourselves for words unspoken or deeds undone for the departed.

I have lived with so much guilt for so long over the words unspoken to my husband but I have finally come to realize that what is meant to be will be and words unspoken are not meant to be spoken because the person already knows how we feel and what we think. It took so very long for me to forgive myself but in the end I did.

I think of my husband often and I think of all I did for him and I know he knew that I loved him and I was always there for him. I spent many days at the hospital the last decade of his life and I did everything I could to care for him. Medically, I had to get on the nurses and dr.s because they didn’t care for him as I would have expected.

Once we learn to forgive ourselves we learn to live life once again to the fullest and we can move on without guilt. The departed do not want us to be alone and unhappy, no they know we need to open our heart up to another and we need to love again, give again and we need to rebuild our lives.