As I sat at my dining room table sipping my morning tea what appeared to materialize out of no where was this beautiful doe who gracefully was walking in the back field. I let the boys out and I have to hook them up as I have no fence and they started barking like crazy. They were barking at the doe and she appeared to become quite agitated with them and started charging them which I found to be funny.
What I wasn’t aware of was her fawn was under the tree in the brush and she was protecting her little one from my two who are even smaller than her fawn. I brought the boys in and she glory up her charge and they walked away slowly, mother and child and the rain started which made them move quickly deeper into the back forty. My back yard looks so beautiful in the morning light and it’s so peaceful and tranquil and it’s my time to reflect on things occurring in my life.
There’s a sadness that has settled over me knowing that my mother is dieing and I will never see her again, literally. I ran across a pic of her last night and I realized how much I look like my mother except she has black hair. I know when I get the final call that I will fall apart because all of my anger is nothing more than a way to hide my sadness and depression. My mother has always been toxic but a mother is still a mother and Im learning that quickly and painfully.
My mother has always been my safety net which I would fall back onto when I needed help or someone to listen and even though she helped and very little she still was there. I dont know how I am going to react when she passes on but I can assure you it will hit me like a ton of bricks and I will literally have no one to lean on. This year is the last year that I will have to deal with loss and such major changes and I cannot wait until November when Saturn moves on and I am done learning the astrological lessons of my life.