Listen

 I THINK THE MOST IMPORTANT THING WE CAN DO FOR OURSELVES IS TO JUST SIT AND LISTEN. LISTEN TO WHAT YOUR THOUGHTS HAVE TO SAY, LISTEN TO THE UNSPOKEN WORDS OF YOUR HEART, JUST SIT AND LISTEN AND GET IN TOUCH WITH THAT PART OF YOURSELF THAT NOBODY CAN EVER TOUCH. IT’S IN THOSE MOMENTS OF SOLITUDE THAT CLARITY SHINES THROUGH AND THE ANSWERS WE HAVE BEEN SEARCHING FOR COME TO US IN THE WAY OF A GIFT FROM SOMEWHERE ELSE.

Every morning I sit at my dining room table with a cup of tea and I watch the birds at the feeder and the squirrels eating the corn I put down for them. It’s at these moments that I re-evaluate my life and feelings and clarity does come to me. Sometimes, the answers are painfully clear of the things I must do or let go of to make my life better and happier and at these moments is when I find peace and tranquility.

I do not spend my time hoping that I will win the lottery because frankly, money has reared it’s ugly head in my life. I am not saying it wouldn’t be nice to win but then again money brings with it much evil and that in itself would bring another set of problems. If I did win I would be the person that walked into Tiffany’s and they wouldn’t believe I had the funds to purchase whatever I so chose and I would be the woman in the coveralls and tennis shoes.

I’m the type of person that would spend very little because material things do not make me happy and I would be the one starting a non-profit to help others and that would give me a great sense of accomplishment. I’m the one that is always helping the handicapped or elderly, I am the one that gets much pleasure from giving and being a service to others. I am not without fault but I am not a liar or thief.

I am a dreamer and yes I sit and dream but I dream of non materialistic things and I sit and watch the birds and wish that I were one so I could fly away. I think of my hand on a soft face and quiet moments being shared by two. I think of connecting with someone else, someone who gets me and understand me, someone who feels as misunderstood as I do. It’s so difficult to find someone who is happy with their standing in life, someone who doesn’t live for the all mighty dollar, someone who wants to live a simple life.

I continue to listen to my thoughts and my heart and I have come to realize my best friend is myself and Im pretty happy with who I am. I am a great catch and one day the right man will see this and snatch me up and show me that I can be happy again sharing my life. I am just glad that I refused to stay in a marriage that didn’t make me happy or fulfilled even though it was a hell of ride getting out I’m still glad I made the move.

The one thing that says volumes about my character is getting back with my husband when I found out he was dieing. He had no one and I would never let him die alone in a hospital so of course he came home. It was the hardest month of my life watching him wither away and then die but I have no guilt and I did what was right for all of us but it was so painful to watch my mate move onto another plain of existence.

I listened to myself and I weighed all of the options and the only option exceptable was to get back with him and doing so allows me to lie my head on my pillow every night without being suffocated by guilt. Things were what they were and the last three years I have grown by leaps and bounds and yes it has been a very difficult transition but I have learned much along the way and my next relationship will be so much better because I have learned so much.

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