Sadness In The Heart

I have such sadness within myself and it’s all over my son and his confusion of self. He met someone on the internet and had this guy picked him up when I wasn’t at home. He isn’t aware that I have befriended him on facebook and I can now read all of his posts. He posted that he is gay and has finally come out of the closet but I do not believe this. I think he is confused because the attention he is getting is from some guy who obviously has bad intentions.

For some sexual confusion comes when they are much younger and they have sexual experiences with both male and female and they eventually find their way, may they be gay or straight. My son is so lost within himself and he has all of these emotions and hormones raging and I am going to drop a bomb on this guy when my son comes home. I know this guy is over 18 and my son is only 17 and bipolar which of course this guy doesn’t know.

As a mother I am compelled to protect my child even if he ends up hating me at least I know he will be safe. I get so pissed that someone would take advantage of my child but I cannot stop the world from being so fucked up. I can always tell when my son meets some jerk online because he treats me like shit and thinks he has all of the answers but don’t all of us think that when we are young? My child has gotten me so upset that I cannot eat and do not sleep well because of worry.

If my son is gay then so be it but I refuse to let anyone lead him to believe some bullshit when they are taking advantage of him mentally as well as physically. My son is a wandering soul and has been since his dad passed three years ago. His father played such a small part in his life as he never did anything with my son that fathers generally do because of his own depression and lack of self worth since he became an amputee in 2003.

I do not know what else to do as I have no one I can talk to about this, I have no man in my life that might be able to give me some sound advice and guidance. It’s hard being a single mother without having at least an x-husband in the picture. I have learned that the internet is dangerous and few if any can be trusted because everyone is so damn fake and phony and out for what they can take from others instead of what they can give.

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