It has rained almost every day for the past week and I have not slept well and wake up with such pain in my hips and I cannot eat and have no desire to. I have such a sick feeling in my stomach and I know this is because of my son because he will not do a damn thing around here to help. He makes my life a living hell and I cannot stand to even look at him at this point and as a parent I know this is wrong but there are other parents feeling the same way I am sure.
I am beside myself when it comes to my son and I do not know what to do to change the situation, I cannot have him hospitalized because he has posed no threat to anyone or himself and that is a criteria to get him institutionalized again. I have the internet shut down at 11 p.m. and I know if I shut it down for longer he will end up breaking my computers or the modem and router and I am not going to buy anymore technology.
I don’t know why my life has to be filled with nothing but difficult times and all I can think of is it my karmic debt coming to collect and has been for years. Things will get better after November but I don’t know if I can last until then. I am constantly tired and stressed and I just feel exhausted every day and I shouldn’t be feeling this way because I do sleep it’s just such a restless sleep so I am not getting the rest my body needs.
I get on so well with my daughter and she sees how tired I am all the time and she dislikes her brother so much for what he is doing to me. I had to laugh the other day because my daughter told me if Honey Boo Boos mom can find someone to love her then there is hope for me, lmao. I cannot stand these stupid reality shows because I am not interested in how others live and I find there lives to be boring at best and not at all entertaining.
The tv is on from morning until night just so there is the sound of others voices and I sit in front of the computer listening to music and pay very little attention to the tv. I think Mercury retrograde has a lot to do with me being so tired as well and I cannot wait for it to go direct next month. I cannot get the riding lawn mower to start which isn’t surprising and I cannot get my son to cut the grass and even my daughter has asked him several times with no luck.
I wish I could just click my heels together and disappear because I am not getting any happiness what so ever out of my present life. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could just disappear and land on a quiet island somewhere? Wouldn’t it be nice to wake up next to someone who made you deliriously happy and content? Wouldn’t it be nice to sit across the table from someone who made you laugh and reached across the table to touch your hand letting you know they care? Wouldn’t all of this make life worth living?