The Fool Am I

How could this happen to me? How could I let myself get attached to someone who thought nothing of me other than to play with me? Why am I so damn emotional and easily hurt? He will never find a woman like me and he may find himself attracted to another but it wont last because he doesnt know how to have a healthy relationship. He is selfish and self centered and thinks mostly of himself.

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How’s That Working

So you deleted your account that was on my facebook I assume because you are no longer reading every post the second it is posted. Why? Is what I write getting to you? Is it hitting home? Are you feeling compelled to make a move in your life to make yourself happy? You know what I write is true and you  are feeling so dissatisfied with your life and you want a change.

I think you are scared and I think you feel as if I am persuading you to do things that you swore you never would do. You may not read everything immediately but you cannot help yourself now can you? I do not know what you are feeling but you are not wrong and you shouldn’t feel bad in the least bit. I do not believe in this day and age that two people are meant to marry young and stay together through out their lives.

You have become addicted to me and you are now trying to stop your obsession and by not reading what I write immediately is the first step. I feel for ya babe but you are fighting something that you are not meant to fight and I doubt that you will win in the end. You still think about me all of the time and you still get lost in thought thinking of me and you know it.

Hide and Seek

Remember when you played hide and seek as a kid? Remember when you  had a tire hanging from a rope to swing on? Remember riding horses bareback? Remember swimming in the creek?Remember when you found morrel mushrooms in the woods? Remember as a child how carefree you were and how safe you always felt? No worries, no fears because you had never known what those feelings were like.

Now as adult you know what those feelings feel like and you know that you are never always safe in this life. You also know that taking a walk could be the last walk you ever take as you could be in the wrong place at the wrong time and you become a victim of time. You have to put a pet down or they get killed and you know what real pain is or at least you think you have experienced the most painful thing ever.

Then out of the blue someone you love gets sick, gets hit by a car, overdoses, who knows all we know is they die leaving us with a huge gaping hole in our soul. We begin to realize that we are mortal and no one lives forever. We begin to re-evaluate our lives and our relationships and we accept that we have lost the innocence we once had as a child. Life can be so great at times and it can also suck that much at other times. Why can’t we always feel safe, secure and loved?

Lost In Thought

Have you ever just sat back and thought to yourself how different your life could be? O but you made a commitment to honor and be faithful right? Nobody had warned you that you would change, your spouse would change and distance would be a comfortable middle for both of you. You have promised to stay at least until your youngest child is gone and on their own, right? Did it ever occur to you the older your kids are the harder they take a split between their parents? Did it ever occur to you that you could die tomorrow? Why don’t we think about our own happiness? Very simple, because we feel a responsibility and we do not want to let anyone down, especially our parents.

We let ourselves float from one day to the next and we find someone out of nowhere that we are attracted to and that person is all we can think of. We wrestle with the guilt we feel and we wish we were single and available.

Our emotions become so overbearing and we fight not to let ourselves get to attached to that one special person. As the days go on and we get to know more and more about the person our desire to be with them begins to rule our every thought.

Then we wake up one day and realize that we are scaring ourselves because we just might make the move that we promised ourselves we would never make. When we are honest with ourselves we already know that if we are not happy neither is our spouse and they are probably thinking the same thing we are but we are to scared to talk to them about it so we continue to live for the day that we can make the move we so badly want to, need to.

To Forget

How do you forget someone who has been part of your life for several years even though they may only have been standing on the sidelines? How do you come to terms with the fact that they will never be an active member in your life? Even though you have part of you that wants them out of your life there is another part that wants to desperately hang on to what little time you have shared.

Life has a way of throwing rocks thru our windshields and blurring our vision so we cannot or will not see what is in front of us. How do you reach out to this person and let them know that they have at times been your only saving grace? That without knowing that they watched over you in some strange way you would have felt adrift? It isn’t easy letting go and maybe we aren’t suppose to let go, maybe we are just waiting for the time to be right.

I tossed and turned all night thinking that “he” would erase me from his life but then the other half of my brain said “nope, he will never forget you because he cannot” and I did get some comfort from that thought. I know that I have something he hasn’t been able to find in another woman in a very long time and I know he misses that connection with another person.

There will come a time that instead of being two ships passing in the night we will be two ships side by side in the port. We will come together as one, one day and he can fight it all but he cannot deny it. He wants to be with me as I do him but the timing, well the timing is off but it is driving him to constant distraction and he cannot help what he feels nor can he forget me.

Compare

I wish you would meet someone so you would forget about me even though that won’t be easy because I am a one of a kind. I’m silly, crazy, funny, kind, considerate, caring, loving and so much more and no one compares to me. Saying that, I really wish you would allow yourself to let someone in your life because you won’t let me and you need someone who you can trust and rely on to be there.

What you are looking for in a woman isn’t easily found and even though you have found it in me you refuse yourself to let me into your life. It’s time for you to forget about me and move onto a real woman,  a woman who will care for you for who you are inside and I am sure you can find that type of woman out there somewhere in all of your travels. I know what I have to offer a man and you do to but for some reason you just refuse to let me in.

You need to quit living in a fantasy world and join the real world once again without me on your mind. You spend way to much time focusing on my life and what I am doing that you have forgotten about yourself and your happiness. I truly wish you the best and hope you will open yourself up to someone because you need to be loved so bad that it is breaking my heart to see you this way.

Compare

I wish you would meet someone so you would forget about me even though that won’t be easy because I am a one of a kind. I’m silly, crazy, funny, kind, considerate, caring, loving and so much more and no one compares to me. Saying that, I really wish you would allow yourself to let someone in your life because you won’t let me and you need someone who you can trust and rely on to be there.

What you are looking for in a woman isn’t easily found and even though you have found it in me you refuse yourself to let me into your life. It’s time for you to forget about me and move onto a real woman,  a woman who will care for you for who you are inside and I am sure you can find that type of woman out there somewhere in all of your travels. I know what I have to offer a man and you do to but for some reason you just refuse to let me in.

You need to quit living in a fantasy world and join the real world once again without me on your mind. You spend way to much time focusing on my life and what I am doing that you have forgotten about yourself and your happiness. I truly wish you the best and hope you will open yourself up to someone because you need to be loved so bad that it is breaking my heart to see you this way.

4:18

I woke up this morning at 4:18 because Khloe decided she wanted to play and get some loving. She rubbed on my hand until I woke up and then I played with her a bit because I couldn’t fall back to sleep. As I laid there for some unknown reason I began to think about every person that has fucked me over in the last five years and wow what a long list it was.

I do not know why we go through a series of bad years and then a series of good and so on but life is like that for some reason. I think karma comes and teaches us many lessons but I also believe that with the bad great things come to us in time. It’s time for great things to start to happen to me and I am waiting as patiently as I can because I know things are going to start working in my favor.

I started wondering about where I will be in five years and how my life will change hopefully for the better, in fact I know for the better. Do you ever wonder what type of person will be in your life five years from now? Do you ever wonder if you already know that person? All I want is to be happy and to spend the rest of my life laughing and sharing my life with that one special person, how about you?