Chiseling

You can always tell when someone’s relationship is headed for divorce because they do nothing but chisel away at their partner. They pick and pick and they find fault with so many things and they do this in private as well as public. Other people can see what we do not because we are in the circle and they are on the outside looking in. It doesn’t matter how well you get along as business partners because when you decide that you no longer like your partner you push them away.

So many people thought Bob and I had the perfect relationship because we never did out “chiseling” in front of others. When we were alone he would pick and pick and tell me everything that I was doing wrong or what was wrong with me. At one point I was never good enough at anything and I never was pretty enough, thin enough, smart enough, just never enough of anything.

People do not realize what they are doing when their relationship is falling apart and they never take the time to step back and analyze what they are doing. No one likes to be put down and having it done to you constantly really wears on you. After a while one of the partners just gives up all together and divorce is filed to the total shock of the other person. It’s so much easier to talk it out but most people do not know how to communicate without lashing out and that is when the end is apparent.

Empty Beach

I would so love to be on an island with no one around so I could walk naked and splash in the water. I enjoy being naked because clothes are so cumbersome and annoying and I just like the feel of the cool breeze on my skin. I am not shy about my body nor am I embarrassed and yes I do have a few stretch marks from child birth but they tan up nicely and are not that noticeable.

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It would be so great to bet close with someone and walk on the beach together just chatting about anything and everything. People get to hung up on appearance and for the most part people get really embarrassed when they are seen naked. We should never be ashamed of our bodies and I think it is so damn romantic to be with someone special laughing and playing on an empty beach.

Making love on a beach is also so damn romantic but the sand up the ass isn’t something that I really enjoy but hey it comes with the territory. I so wish I were sitting under a palm tree with a really nice breeze and the one that holds my affection. I wonder what a blow job would feel like on the beach as the wetness from the mouth and the cool breeze on the cock must feel exciting as hell, damn I wish I were there right this second.

 

Without It

You can have all the money in the world and you can travel around the world and you can wear the finest of clothes and eat at the best restaurants and meet the great people of the world but what is life without real love? Life is to be loved and shared with someone who gets you, someone who cares for you, for the flesh and blood that you are. Without someone to share our life with we are missing out on so much and we walk a lonely mile.

You could give me silver and gold and it would mean nothing and you could give me the world on a silver platter and once again it means nothing but give me your heart and I would be the wealthiest person in the world. It’s hard to open a damaged heart to someone new but when we do not open ourselves up we will never know what is out there waiting for us to experience.

It’s so damn hard holding on when your hands are covered in sweat from the previous fight but not opening those hands and letting someone in again is denying us what is truly meant to be. We  have a soulmate each and every one of us and we must open ourselves to trust that we will not be hurt by that person. We must allow them to bring into our lives what is meant to be.

Without that all consuming love we are really nothing as he are only half of a person and we may appear to be happy but we really are not. The secret to life is love and being loved and anyone that truly cares for you looks past your indiscretions and looks into your heart and sees the person you really are. Some people play games and some of those games may be hurtful but when two people are meant to be one then they shall become that one indestructible person, that person is build on love and trust and they become invincible.

It Lingers

It really hurts when your children say mean things to you and my son told me tonight that he can’t stand me. I have tried so hard to be a good parent and I have given until it hurts but I get nothing back in return. He has good days and then he has bad days but his bad days just take me under and make me feel like I am a total failure as a parent. My daughter doesn’t feel this way and she helps me pick myself up when my son verbally knocks me down.

I know he is in pain but I cannot help him and he told me tonight that I didn’t want him here and I didn’t want him going to his friends on the other side of the state and I didn’t want him to kill himself so what did I want from him. He sat here with tears in his eyes as he said those words to me and I sat here stoic not really knowing how to answer him. I just want him to be happy and to pick up after himself but that seems to be to much to ask of him.

He wanted to go to his friends several hours away, the same kids house he went to for a week and I told him no. That is when we started arguing again and I finally told him just to go. I really need some time away from him because he is destroying me inside and I cannot stand it. I told him when he turns 18 in February he can move out and do whatever he wants and he wants to know how much money he has to work with.

He seems to think that the social security money that comes in for him is his and he thinks I should be saving it for him instead of paying bills. He fails to realize that when he graduates the money no longer will be coming in and even if I did give it to him his last check is in May. He just doesn’t realize how expensive it is to have your own apartment and to pay bills let alone purchase a car and pay the insurance.

I am so hoping things get better between us but I do not see that happening until he starts taking his meds and going to therapy which he refuses to do either. I am so tired of going around and around with him and I sit and cry when no one is around because I am so beyond frustrated with the situation. I wish this house would sell which would clear up all of my financial responsibilities and a smaller home will be so much easier to take care of.