Knees

I have been on my knees praying to God to show me how to be a better mother to my son, how to reach him, how to love him and understand him. I have tried so hard to be a good mother but my son says he despises me and he cannot wait to get away from me and move out on his own. I realize he is seventeen and he wants to have his freedom as a person yet he still clings to me when he needs me.

It breaks my heart to see my son so unhappy and when he cries I cry because I do not know how to reach him. I am always fearful that something bad is going to happen to him when he is across the state at a “friends” house. The only friends he has are from a game he plays online and I do not know what he is going to do when school starts up and he cannot run to their house for a week at a time.

I have to admit that I like it when he isn’t here because we are not fighting and he is not tearing me down as a mother. My daughter is fed up with him and glad he isn’t here but being a sister or mother are two different things completely. I can’t get him to help around the house and he refuses to pick up after himself and he doesn’t give a shit about anything other than getting lost in his online game.

All I know for sure is my life is going to be so different this time next year as my daughter will be in her third year of college and my son will have graduated and I will be responsible for only myself. I have to cut my son lose and my daughter will be spending her last semester of college in D.C. going to school and working for an attorney. It is a great opportunity for her and I will always be worried about her but she has  to grow up and the experience will be great for her.

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