I think we spend so much time making others happy and doing for others that we tend to forget about ourselves and our needs. We spend so much time trying to keep our spouse happy as well as our children and we are looked upon as the matriarchs of the family. We spend countless amount of hours planning trips, dinners, repairs around the house ect. but when do we take the time to look at our own lives and do what makes us happy?

I know I have spent my life doing for others and always trying to make others happy and I have set my own wants and needs aside. I let myself get lost somewhere as I have bent over backwards doing for others. I have always made sure the bills were paid, school supplies purchased, groceries purchased, dinners made, laundry done, mending done, driving the kids to and from events and the list goes on.

I can remember about five years ago I had pneumonia and I drove myself to the hospital and when I was released I got my own prescriptions and drove myself home. I have sat back and examined my life and my time will be here shortly and yes I am going to do for myself everything I have wanted to do but haven’t because I was taking care of everyone else. I do not regret anything I have done or given to my family but it is time for me to think of me.

I have been so focused on caring for my kids and this house that I haven’t spent anytime going after what I want. I want to meet that special person and I do not care if they live on the other side of the world because I would move in a heartbeat for happiness and love. I just want to meet someone who is willing to give up as much as I am to be with me and I want someone who compliments me and I them, is that too much to ask?


If you were to compare yourself to a vegetable which one would you be? I would be a vadalia onion because like an onion I have many layers and like the vadalia onion I am sweet.There are so very few people who really know me because I do not show myself to many and just like layers it takes someone very special for me to expose my inner core to. People think they know others so well but the truth is they do not because all of us have secrets we keep close to the cuff.

My girlfriend Sue is the only person that knows me like no one else does but I do not tell her everything about myself either. Sue gets me, she understands me and she has stood by my side when my entire world crashed. Sue was the one that told me I needed to be on meds when my bipolar went crazy and Sue actually saved my life because she cared enough to stick by me when the big crash came.

She could see why I was so unhappy in my marriage and she understood why I could no longer live the life I was living with my husband. It was such a tough decision to finally leave but when I finally made up my mind that was it I was gone. It’s not often you find someone you can really trust and talk to about the darkest hours of your life but when you do it is like a breath of fresh air.

My husband knew quite a bit about me and he understood my relationship with my mother because she treated him like shit as well as me. He understood so much about me but so little at the same time. The next man I get involved with will have that something that I am looking for in another person and he will be one that I can confide in and lean on when my load just gets to heavy to carry any longer.

A Pretty Girl

My daughter is a very attractive young lady with long blonde hair and brown eyes. She was leaving school yesterday afternoon and an older black man stopped her and told her that he thought she was very attractive. She attends school twice a day on Thursday and yesterday evening when she was leaving school a young man that is of spanish decent left a note on her windshield telling her he thought she was very attractive and left his number for her to contact him.

She isn’t going to contact either of them because she doesn’t do older men or black men for that matter and the other guy just creeped her out with the message on the windshield. She is a very lovely young woman and she is so pretty that she is always getting noticed but few if any have had the nerve to reach out to her. It’s no secret that black men like blondes and they do not care if you dye your hair as long as you have a big ass they just love it.

I now my daughter was flattered to be hit on twice in one day but these guys are not for her and she feels strange getting contacted with a note and the black man was so much older it just creeped her out. She is very traditional and being raised Catholic and going to Catholic school have taught her the Catholic ways even though she doesn’t follow everything the Catholic way she is still very spiritual like I am.

Anyone that sees my daughter can see how pretty she is but she isn’t only pretty she is very intelligent as well. Her goal in life is to be an attorney and maybe one day be a judge and she will accomplish this because she works hard and goes after what she wants. I support her 100% and she is doing so well in school and I could not be prouder to have such a wonderful person in my life.0490522009_10_03_IMG_0453IMG_3840


I tend to believe that there is good in everybody and everybody deserves a second chance but then they seem to fuck that up and want a third and fourth chance. I have learned to never give anyone more than a total of three chances before I cut them lose. The only time I do not give second chances is when someone cheats on me because once a cheater always a cheater.

When you are cheated on that shows that the person cheating is to fearful to confront whatever problems they have with you and sometimes, hell most of the time the cheater wants his cake and eat it to. So many people like their spouse or significant other but they do not like what is missing from their relationship and they prefer to cheat to get their needs filled. When someone cheats they are opening up pandora’s box to a huge set if issues to deal with eventually.

I’m the type of person you are either with me or you are not and if you want to see someone else that is fine but do not expect to be welcome under the sheets with me. When you like someone you either like them a lot, enough to get involved with them or you just like them as friend type relationship. I have never cheated on anyone because I am not that way and I prefer to end the relationship rather than disrespect the person.

If I am kissing you and sucking your dick I do not want you fucking someone else because that is just gross to me knowing your dick is in another person and your lips are on their body. Yes, I am old fashioned but I prefer to live my life that way and to be as honest as I can with people because lieing makes me crazy and I hate hate hate being lied to. I can handle any truth but lieing, well lieing I avoid like getting herpes.

On The Beach

Have you ever sat on a beach and stared out over the water? I so enjoy the beach and love the breeze that blows from the water and the view of the water is so soothing to me. I have spent quite a bit of time in the sun this summer and I tan very easily so I look quite dark and my daughter told me I was so dark I could be confused as a black person-she was joking but I do have a pretty dark deep tan this year.

When I tan my blue eyes pop out and a tan always makes us look healthier and prettier some how. I sunbathe in the nude at home and every once in a while someone will be walking in the field behind my house and they get a free viewing, lol. I have avoided tan lines this year but I still have those white spots under my ass cheeks but nobody is looking there anyway.

I wish I could walk naked on the beach but I would have to drive to far to find a nudest beach and I do not know anyone that is comfortable with themselves enough to go to a nudist beach. Nudist beaches are for those that are comfortable with nudity not those that want to gawk and laugh and you will see all types of bodies at that type of beach. People do not care about weight or size and nobody judges anyone.

I hope the next man I get involved with doesn’t have a hang up about being nude because I will be walking around naked as much as possible. Being naked is always nice for random sex as well, no clothes to remove and no wasting time simply just play time and fun. I think being naked is healthy and it feels good as well and nobody can tell me different because I have experienced this feeling to many times.


Some people think that a person that has come into their lives has come at the wrong time but the truth is they came into the life of the person for a reason. Everyone we meet has something to teach us and that teaching may be about life, love, ourselves or the world around us. When someone comes into your life and they are of the opposite sex and you are in an unhappy relationship the new individual is showing you something that needs to be changed.

You can never blame another person for destroying your relationship or taking your love away from you because if that person was really in love with you and committed to you nobody could budge them from your side. When you are attracted to someone of the opposite sex and I mean really attracted, drawn in by this person they have something very special to teach you.

They could be your soulmate and they are not luring you away from your significant other they just have something to share with you or teach you. Nobody wants to be part of a break up and no one generally is because when you are unhappy and someone makes you happy you are going to go for the happiness. People who stay in an unhappy relationship use excuses for not leaving.

Most people must have someone else lined up before they make the move they need to make because they find much security in a relationship. If you  are in an unhappy relationship you will leave it when the time is right for you regardless if you have someone new in wings or not. Sometimes, no matter how strong our morals and ethics are matters of the heart take precedenc because we are emotional beings requiring love and affection to be happy.