I am the type of person that gives people chances but when I am through I am through and there is no giving anymore chances. When someone hurts me I never forget and when someone fucks me over I remember for a very long time. Some people forgive easily but I am not one of those people because I have been fucked over so many times that I must stand my ground to protect myself.

My sister is a prime example, she fucked me over big time and looking back she waited in the wings for years cultivating her plan and manipulation of my grandmother. My sister is the purest form of evil that walks this earth and she lives with bad karma because of it. If she were dieing and needed a kidney I would let her die because she has never been real family and she has fucked over other family members as well.

I know that sounds terrible of me but I would help a stranger before I ever helped her again. My sister uses people and buys her love from  stores and mail order catalogs, and she is the butch in her lesbian relationships and she cheats on everyone she has ever been involved with. She is a very unhappy person and hasn’t realized that her evil ways are keeping happiness from her life.

I do not set out to hurt anyone on purpose and even when I had to end a relationship I did it in a way that was kind and gentle. I hate arguing and I do not have to be the leader in my relationships. I would prefer to let someone else take the lead as long as it didn’t get me hurt or hurt someone else in the process. I have learned by hurting someone else I am only hurting myself in the process.

I think I give too much, care to deeply, love to hard and fall even harder so I must be  very careful of the people I let into my life. If I let you in consider yourself lucky because I am not one to open my door or heart to just anyone. I do not like when someone plays with my emotions either because I do not play with anyone because I know how deeply hurt can go and yes I have felt hurt deeper than most.

Never Know

You never know how long anyone is going to be in your life and you never know what life would be like without them. You can think about someone all of the time, dream about them, fantasize about them and wish you were with them but if you don’t go after that person then you will always be left wondering. It’s so hard for me to let anyone in but I have finally reached the point in my life that I am truly ready to love again.

I have saved myself for someone special for a very long time and I do not know if we will ever meet but I do know that he means so much to me even though I do not know him. I just get such a deep feeling that he gets me, understands me, sympathizes with me and cares a hell of a lot about me. Maybe I am wrong but I have no way of knowing at this point if he even wants to meet me.

There is no guarantee that we would become one and maybe he doesn’t want to be committed or tied down and I am not looking to clip his wings, I just want to touch his face, kiss his lips and run my hand over his body. I am drawn to this man and I have no idea why other than I was attracted to his picture from years gone past. He is no longer that young man and he is aging gracefully and I find him very attractive.

He doesn’t appear to be full of himself or stuck up in any way and I think he misses the simple life but likes the fancy life as well. I look at pictures of him and I look into his eyes and I see someone special, someone not of the main stream, someone like myself in many ways. I would give almost anything just to meet him and talk to him, hold his hand and look into those green eyes.


I have relisted the house again but this time around I got a better rate on the commission. Life is changing so much and I have changed so much and I like the way I am feeling. I feel as if I have somewhat “polished” myself and the way I feel about so many things. I am so much more laid back and relaxed and I do believe it’s because my son isn’t here to fight with all of the time.

I love my kids don’t get me wrong on that but my son is at a tough age and without his dad I have no doubt that he is lost in his own life. My daughter is doing great and she is so focused on school and getting good grades. Me, well I am just moving from one day to the next waiting for this house to sell and to move into something smaller, something easier for me to maintain.

We tend to go through phases in our lives as we want bigger and better and then we realize that bigger isn’t always better and the best isn’t good enough when we have no one to share it with. We take family for granted and then one day we realize that not having family leaves a hole in our souls and we miss it family so much. I envy those that have large families because I know what it is like to have family get togethers and sharing our life with them.

It’s so nice to have someone to lean on, someone to confide in, someone to trust but we cannot bring back the dead and all we can do is walk memory lane. I am glad my grandmother taught me how to cook because that is one way I keep family alive, through food. Cooking recipes handed down from family member to family member is the only way that I can pay tribute to my family.


The strongest attraction we have towards another person comes to us from knowing we have known this person before, we dream about them and think about them constantly. When you feel a connection with someone it isn’t superficial but a deep connection that cannot be explained. It doesn’t matter what the person looks like, their weight, their standing in life, what they have ect.

There are people destined to meet regardless if one is rich the other is poor or they both are rich or poor. It is very possible to fall for someone online that you have never met because what they say about their life or themselves draws us in or turns us off. Not everyone is lucky enough to meet their soulmate because they just couldn’t wait for that person and settled for a life partner instead.

Very few people meet their life partner and stay with that person until death do them part because people grow and change and they need to have their wants and needs met and the life partner no longer does this for them. If you are one of the lucky people in the world you meet your soulmate and you just know this person belongs in your life and you know that they are the very person you have been searching for.

The connection starts out with the physical attraction and moves on to the mental and the more you learn about this person the prettier they are to you. Someone could be very over weight but have a cute face and the more you learn about the person the less their physical appearance has anything to do with the connection. What is really important is how this person makes you feel, makes you think and makes you re-evaluate some of the choices you have made in your life.

The saddest thing in the world is when two people are meant to be together but are not because of fear, fear of the unknown steps in and keeps these two apart. If you ever feel a strong connection with someone it is because you have met in a previous life and you do belong together. Never let your fears stand in the way of meeting your great love because you don’t get many chances to be this happy so grab it when it comes your way or stay stagnet, the choice is yours.