Through

Through

I am the type of person that gives people chances but when I am through I am through and there is no giving anymore chances. When someone hurts me I never forget and when someone fucks me over I remember for a very long time. Some people forgive easily but I am not one of those people because I have been fucked over so many times that I must stand my ground to protect myself.

My sister is a prime example, she fucked me over big time and looking back she waited in the wings for years cultivating her plan and manipulation of my grandmother. My sister is the purest form of evil that walks this earth and she lives with bad karma because of it. If she were dieing and needed a kidney I would let her die because she has never been real family and she has fucked over other family members as well.

I know that sounds terrible of me but I would help a stranger before I ever helped her again. My sister uses people and buys her love from  stores and mail order catalogs, and she is the butch in her lesbian relationships and she cheats on everyone she has ever been involved with. She is a very unhappy person and hasn’t realized that her evil ways are keeping happiness from her life.

I do not set out to hurt anyone on purpose and even when I had to end a relationship I did it in a way that was kind and gentle. I hate arguing and I do not have to be the leader in my relationships. I would prefer to let someone else take the lead as long as it didn’t get me hurt or hurt someone else in the process. I have learned by hurting someone else I am only hurting myself in the process.

I think I give too much, care to deeply, love to hard and fall even harder so I must be  very careful of the people I let into my life. If I let you in consider yourself lucky because I am not one to open my door or heart to just anyone. I do not like when someone plays with my emotions either because I do not play with anyone because I know how deeply hurt can go and yes I have felt hurt deeper than most.

No Fan

No I am no fan of yours and what you have accomplished on the field doesn’t do a damn thing for me. I am sure you have done things that have impressed you but it doesn’t matter to me who you were or who you are now. It’s not hard to figure out why you won’t meet me it’s because you are married or in a relationship with someone. You are not happy but you keep up a good front now don’t you?

How long are you going to live your life being unhappy but content? All the counseling in the world isn’t going to fix what is wrong with your life. You have it all now don’t you? Money, homes, cars, planes, the applause of your fans and the media attention but you do not have real love in your life by your own choice. I am not saying that I am one to love you because I do not know you and do not know if I would even like you as a person.

I would like to meet you to satisfy my own curiosity and frankly I do not care if you are married because I wouldn’t fuck you any way. I have no doubt you have met many a woman who would drop their panties at the sound of your voice but that isn’t me. You look at my pictures and you fantasize now don’t you? You read my posts and wonder if they are about you or directed to you.

Why are you so afraid to meet me anyway? I do not bite or at least not hard enough to leave marks, lol. You have as many unanswered questions as I do or maybe you have fallen in love with me and fear that when you meet me I will steal your heart away. Do you think I would hurt you in some way? You are a grown ass man and you can do what you damn well please so quit acting like you have a school boy crush and you are to shy to talk to me.

Why can’t we sit down like to adults and just talk? Hell you could contact me on skype or yahoo messenger but you refuse to do so. Do you think I am so enamored by you that you would break my heart? Believe me that will not happen because you are nothing but a man who I have fancied a bit but that can all change so quickly now can’t it and you are scared to death of me now aren’t you?

Move

Some people will stay in a bad relationship because it is comfortable and they know what to expect from their partner. Then there are those that stay because they feel an obligation to the family unit and the children. Some stay because they feel as if no one else would want to be with them and that they are not worthy of real love and then there are those that are afraid of bad publicity. Anyone that stays in a relationship that doesn’t fulfill them is a damn fool in my eyes.

I was one of those people who stayed in a bad relationship until I could no longer stand it and I knew I deserved so much better. It wasn’t an easy decision to leave the marital bed but I finally made the move and yes it cost me dearly financially. Some people marry their sweetheart right out of high school and others like myself enjoy being single, traveling and finding our own way in life.

Life is to be lived to the fullest and being loved and loving is part of that and everyone deserves to feel guidy and crazy in love. There’s a huge difference in marrying our first real sweetheart and marrying someone mature and experienced. The second time around should be so much happier because you are older and have experienced so much more than when you were young. 

If you find someone who makes your heart skip a beat and you think about them constantly then you need to meet that person to find out if there is more there. Those that are waiting for someone to knock on their door and love them are living in a dream world because love doesn’t happen that way. The minute you know you want to meet someone is the minute you should make a move to do so.

It’s Over

When you have to hire someone to watch your mate, spy on them then your relationship is over because the trust is gone. Someone I know wanted to pay me to spy on their husband because she was sure he was cheating on her. I looked at her and just laughed and that really puzzled her because she had no idea why I was laughing. I told her I thought it was such an insecure act and no I wouldn’t spy on him.

Of course he is cheating on her damn, the perfume on the shirt collar was a dead give away but she refused to put the puzzle pieces together. He was coming home late from work, he no longer wanted to have sex with her, he pulled away from the family, the perfume on the shirt, phone calls he would walk out of the room to take. These are all signs of a cheater and being in denial isn’t going to change the situation.

I do not condone his cheating but damn I sure as hell can understand it as she chisels away at him constantly. She is always putting him down and insulting him in front of others and she is so damn cold the room feels like it is in the sub zero’s. It takes two people to make a relationship and it takes two to break it as well and if you do not communicate with your spouse then you are headed for a crash landing.

She ended up hiring a private detective who showed her proof that her husband was cheating and what did she do? She blamed the other woman and started stalking her. She confronted her and the woman was honest with her and told her she had been sleeping with her husband. The person I know went ballistic on the other woman verbally and the other woman told her to pack her shit her husband was leaving her.

Now they are in the process of a divorce and the woman I know is crying foul and refuses to see that she played a huge part in pushing him out the door. She wants me to feel sorry for her but I cannot and will not. We are not friends but more of acquaintances but she has latched on to me like a life preserver wanting me to help her get him back but only she can do that.