Denial

Many of us live in denial as we deny that we are no hero, that we are being lied to, cheated on, deceit is going on in our lives. Denial keeps us from the very things we need most and some people deny that they have feelings for another person. We try to ignore those feelings but we keep thinking about that special person, we dream about them, we look at their pictures and read everything they write.

What we fail to realize is life repeats itself over and over and that includes loving someone. It’s hard to ignore feelings of the heart and it’s even harder when we are involved with someone else. We do not want to accept what our hearts already know and we do not want to be the “bad guy” in ending a relationship that we have been so devoted to for so long. As the heart grows fonder for someone new we tend to find fault with our current relationship because we are looking for a way out.

When we deny our feelings resentment grows and when that happens fault is always found in our partner. So many feel guilty that they feel something for someone else and they try to deny it but the heart continues to grow fonder day after day. We wonder what life would be like with that new person and we wonder if things would work out for the best because we want love and need love in our lives.

It is a strong person that follows their heart and it is so very hard to hurt the very person we were once in love with but we need to end that relationship for both people involved. We come to the point in our lives that we can no longer deny what we feel and we finally go for it. Once we take that first step everything else falls right into place and our life is finally fulfilled once again.

 

To Find

Most people think they have found ever lasting love but the divorce rate says differently. So many people marry way to young, raise a family and grow apart from their spouse which leads to divorce. I married when I was thirty four and I honestly didn’t think I would ever get married but getting pregnant changed all of that. I was the best wife I could be under the circumstances of my marriage which started out with lies and deceit.

Now that I am older and have raised my family I am once again starting to focus on my life and what I want to accomplish before my last breath. I worked and now I am retired and I am so ready to embrace the changes that are coming my way and I want to travel again, explore again, love again and share my life with someone. One of the last huge changes in my life will be selling my home and moving into something smaller and I cannot wait to make the move.

I have lived in this house for fifteen years and I like the neighborhood but most of my neighbors are retired busy bodies and I so hate that. It’s going to be difficult getting used to a smaller home but I am adaptable and will flow with the punches. Once I do make that move everything else in my life will fall into place nicely and I will be free of so much stress of this big house and life.

I have changed so much in the last three years and I have noticed I get really annoyed when someone online starts talking about wanting to see my boobs or a vibrator up their ass. I just have lost that interest to talk sex shit online and I have so many people who want to see my private pic folder but I tell them that it is empty because I have no intention of showing that to anyone.

It would be nice to have a conversation with someone without talking sex but I brought that on myself by talking sex myself for so long but that is no longer me. I seem to be more settled, more comfortable with myself and in touch with myself. I have found an inner peace which I have never had and I find I am so much calmer than I have ever been. It’s nice to be in touch with your feelings and know where you are going in life even if you do not know the destination.