Lost In Thought

Have you ever just sat back and thought to yourself how different your life could be? O but you made a commitment to honor and be faithful right? Nobody had warned you that you would change, your spouse would change and distance would be a comfortable middle for both of you. You have promised to stay at least until your youngest child is gone and on their own, right? Did it ever occur to you the older your kids are the harder they take a split between their parents? Did it ever occur to you that you could die tomorrow? Why don’t we think about our own happiness? Very simple, because we feel a responsibility and we do not want to let anyone down, especially our parents.

We let ourselves float from one day to the next and we find someone out of nowhere that we are attracted to and that person is all we can think of. We wrestle with the guilt we feel and we wish we were single and available.

Our emotions become so overbearing and we fight not to let ourselves get to attached to that one special person. As the days go on and we get to know more and more about the person our desire to be with them begins to rule our every thought.

Then we wake up one day and realize that we are scaring ourselves because we just might make the move that we promised ourselves we would never make. When we are honest with ourselves we already know that if we are not happy neither is our spouse and they are probably thinking the same thing we are but we are to scared to talk to them about it so we continue to live for the day that we can make the move we so badly want to, need to.

To Forget

How do you forget someone who has been part of your life for several years even though they may only have been standing on the sidelines? How do you come to terms with the fact that they will never be an active member in your life? Even though you have part of you that wants them out of your life there is another part that wants to desperately hang on to what little time you have shared.

Life has a way of throwing rocks thru our windshields and blurring our vision so we cannot or will not see what is in front of us. How do you reach out to this person and let them know that they have at times been your only saving grace? That without knowing that they watched over you in some strange way you would have felt adrift? It isn’t easy letting go and maybe we aren’t suppose to let go, maybe we are just waiting for the time to be right.

I tossed and turned all night thinking that “he” would erase me from his life but then the other half of my brain said “nope, he will never forget you because he cannot” and I did get some comfort from that thought. I know that I have something he hasn’t been able to find in another woman in a very long time and I know he misses that connection with another person.

There will come a time that instead of being two ships passing in the night we will be two ships side by side in the port. We will come together as one, one day and he can fight it all but he cannot deny it. He wants to be with me as I do him but the timing, well the timing is off but it is driving him to constant distraction and he cannot help what he feels nor can he forget me.