A Deep Well

The one thing I have always wanted in my life is to be able to trust someone without fear that they will turn on me. I thought I had found my best friend in my husband but I found out how evil he could be. I opened myself up to him like a deep well and I exposed some of my deepest, darkest experiences. What did he do with that information? Used it against me telling my friends, his attorney and the mediator his embellished version. of course his version either bordered on a lie or was a lie.


I hate it so when you trust someone and they share your information with others. In my case my husband used my most personal and deepest, darkest secrets against me during our divorce.

I tried so hard to have a friendly divorce but that wasnt the case. My husband wanted everything in the divorce even though he came into the marriage with nothing but bills. He was all about impressing people with the material shit we had together, of course he would claim that everything was because of him.

Its important to be able to trust your partner because without trust you have nothing. I so wish I would meet someone that makes my heart skip a beat. I have no doubt there is a wonderful love out there somewhere looking for me.

I so need a dominant male that isn’t afraid to challenge me and isn’t afraid to explore my sexual side. I so enjoy sex that connects me with my partner because I find random sex to leave me feeling flat and empty.

My daughter had a “one night stand” that lasted a few weeks and then he disappeared without so much as a fuck off. I felt so bad for her because she was so upset and crying but I warned her not to bone him.

She asked me if I ever had had a one night stand and told her yes. I was honest with her because I think most of us have experienced a one night stand. Im sure next time she will be more cautious before she drops her panties and lets her heart spill out.

I so miss the touch of a man and the excitement that comes with making love. I enjoy using oils and massaging the male body and no part is exempt from my hands. I know how wonderful tantra is because I experienced the most awesome orgasm I have ever experienced in my life.

The touch of the fingers and hands on the body connect two people and how you explore the body brings the two of you closer. I cannnot wait until I can explore tantra with someone that excites me mentally as well as physically.

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Fifteen Years Later

I went to bed last night knowing that when I woke up it would be fifteen years later that 9/11 occurred. When I finally sat down and turned on the tv it was exactly to the minute fifteen years after such an event started.

I remember that I was working at the Steel Mill as an A Class Electrician and I was sitting at the table in my work area waiting for my daily assignment. When I heard that the towers had been hit by an airplane I knew that it wasn’t any accident.

How could you even think for a minute it wasn’t an attack? The towers were huge and no plane would ever hit them without notifying the airport that they were having difficulties and needed to land.

Now 9/11 shocked many Americans and those visiting our land.  It was a time of instant fear that shook our foundations. Then we hear that the second tower was hit and that our government was finally realizing this was no accident this was an attack.

There I sat at the table with my fellow workers with chills running up and down my spine. We looked at each other  speechless because we didnt know what to say at that moment. Our security had been shook to the core and there was no place we could hide.

 We watched people jumping to their deaths 3/4 of the way up the towers and  the towers  finally collapsed from the intense heat. The shock and dismay left me utterly speechless and like so many others what I was watching seemed surreal.

Fifteen years ago I wondered how any one person could have so much hate in their heart and today I still wonder. Using young men to do suicide missions is cowardly at best and the use of religion to control and manipulate others is lame as well.

The world is so full of hate and anger and people have become lazy. If only we could bring back the 60’s when families were families doing things together. The world has changed so much since the internet became easily accessible to the world.

Between the memory of 9/11 and the choices we have between candidates for president my heart is filled with sadness. I in no way approve of how the candidates have promoted themselves. The constant insults and remarks made out of ignorance have a direct or indirect affect on all of us.

So on this day of remembrance I can only pray for the survivors of those lost in 9/11. The once babies now young adults are feeling the loss of their family member. Many have died and many carry gaping wounds that can never be repaired.

I see the many disasters around the world as well as the many unhappy people lashing out at others. It saddens me so to see how the world has become a war zone and I so miss the days of my youth when life was simple.