So Lost

She laid back against the pillow on the couch and she thought of how smooth his face would feel after being freshly shaven.  He had lovely green eyes and he wore his hair extremely  short as it was more comfortable in the summer weather.

He was tall and thin and that was so attractive to her along with his level of intelligence and how funny he could be at times. They got on so well and it was so uncanny like they had known each other for a lifetime.

He had been down the road of marriage and fathering children and he gave the impression of the perfect family man. He tried very hard to stay faithful but his wife had made it damn hard as she was not a sexual woman in the least.

She gave him all the sex he wanted for the most part but it was satisfying and she never did anything that excited him.  He would never request her to do sexual things that he knew she would never approve of.

She never touched his hard cock but she would kiss him and touch his chest.  She was a typical latin american woman who had no experience sexually and her mother did not inform her about sexual acts that would keep her husband happy.

The public thought of him as such a respectable man and that was because his publicist was paid damn well to keep his indiscretions hidden. He was looked upon as a private man, a good man an honest man  but the truth had never been told.

He was a womanizer and he loved the attention he got from woman but they all seemed to be basically the same. They liked him for his fame and fortune and that was such a turn off to him.

He began to scour the internet for woman he could chat with that attracted him and he found one lady that really pulled him in.  She was so sexy to him and so attractive and he couldn’t help the desire he felt for her.

She was not impressed by him in the least bit and that in itself made him want her even more. She sat back and watched him get involved with someone fifteen years younger than himself. 

She knew that the age difference would eventually destroy the relationship and he would end up trying to repair his marriage. What he didn’t realize is that once you leave home for another woman you can never go back and think that relationship will be a happy one.

The woman of his dreams on the internet decided to give up on wanting to be with him and she focused on the local men. None of them were physically attracted or intelligent enough to grab her attention.

She no longer waited for the man who was meant to share her life with and she no longer sat at home and cried herself to sleep. He tried to forget her but he couldn’t and he was so confused that he didn’t know which way to turn in his life.

He knew he wanted to be with her but he was to afraid that she would reject him. She wouldn’t put up with his bullshit and games and that scared the shit out of him. He had never been pushed away by any woman but this woman would not only push him she would throw him under the bus.

He needed to be a man and step up to the plate and meet her. He needed to get the answers to questions that had lingered for way to long and he needed to trust himself enough to let her get close enough to him to touch that special part of his soul.

The Acceptance

Young love is so great because we learn to share ourselves with someone else and to build a life together, have children, raise our family and hopefully grow old together. This doesn’t happen often any longer as the world has changed so much. We still fall in love, have children and then we grow apart and realize we are no longer in love with that one person we thought to be our everything.

Night after night we sit at the same dinner table, walk the same hallways, talk of the children and then we go to bed sleeping on the edge of the bed. Things change as we no longer cuddle with the one we love, we no longer make love with passion and desire and we become nothing more than a sexual object that turns into nothing but a physical release. We are no longer happy with that person and we no longer think about them constantly and want to be with them.

We stay in a stagnant relationship for the sake of the children and we try to make things work the only way we know how but in our hearts we know the end isn’t to far off. We wait as long as we can before we make that final departure. We use excuses like we have to many bills to pay alone, the kids would be totally devastated and they couldn’t live with just one full time parent, we use so many excuses but the truth is we fear starting over and going it alone.

Then there are some of us that made the decision to move on and then wam, we find out that, that one person we have shared so much of our life with is dieing and we do what is right, what is humane and what a person of compassion does. We bring that person home to die and we care for them and try to make their last days easy. The end comes not unexpected but dreaded and we find ourselves all alone in this world.

We try to do the best we can as everyday is a fight, a battle and no there is no comfort in a big empty house or empty bed. We hold onto our pillows and shed our tears onto the sheets and we wonder will there ever be another person that loves us, that wants to share our life, someone who shows us that love is still out there and we just have to wait until the timing is right to meet that new love.

We eventually meet our second love, the person that will be with us until we die, the one that becomes wrinkled and aged but still loves us for the person we are, not the beauty we used to be in youthful years. We spend our time with that one special love that holds are hand as we walk together, that one person that is always concerned about us and our health and the one that will love us for eternity.

The Draw

We tend to be attracted to people who grab our eye but then as we get to know the person it doesn’t matter how attractive they are if their personality doesn’t at something to them as a person. A person could be physically very attractive but if they have an annoying voice, monopolize every conversation, talk constantly about themselves and are a me me me first person then their outer beauty means nothing.

I met a very nice gentleman yesterday for dinner and he wasn’t unattractive but not attractive to me but I thought I would give him a chance because he did seem so nice. Well, he was someone who talked endlessly about himself, his investments and so on and it got to be really boring for me. He wasn’t interested too much in me and ask me very few questions and continually cut me off in  mid sentence.

I was so glad when the evening was over I couldn’t get away from him fast enough and I even had a hard time excusing myself to go to the ladies room. I didn’t have to pee but just needed a break from his non stop jabbering. I’m an easy person to talk to and I ask questions and listen and I do not take control of the conversation and I encourage the person to open up to me at least as much as they feel comfortable with.

Some people just need to be the center of attention constantly and they need to talk about themselves endlessly and I think it’s because it’s the only way they can build themselves up. The gentleman I was with last night was upset at the end of the night when he asked me out for Saturday and I told him that I thought he was a nice guy but I didn’t feel any chemistry with him, I didn’t want to hurt his feelings but I wasn’t going out with him again.

He told me he didn’t understand why I wasn’t attracted to him and that he felt that he was “perfect” for me, lol. It’s hard to end a night with someone who you do not want to see again but if you don’t then you are leading them on and that isn’t right. He told me he thought I was gorgeous and that he could be the perfect one for me to make my life so much happier and so I let him believe whatever he so chose to and I ended the night as graciously as I could, no kiss, no hug not even a hand shake.

Falling Apart

The loneliness knaws

At me like a rat

In trash

The emptiness fills

Me like a pitcher

Of tea

The saddens engulfs me

Like a ship swallowed 

By the sea

This is my life

This is what is

Known as me

My bed is empty

Night after night

I try to find someone

But he seems to

Have taken flight

He watches and waits

And I presume

he wants to see

Me happy

But that hasn’t 

Happened in so 

Very long

And I have given up

Hope and have

Accepted I shall

Always be alone

An empty bed

An empty heart

An empty life

I am falling apart 😦

New Day Old Dreams

I keep dreaming this same dream over and over and it’s very unsettling because I cannot figure out the meaning of it. I walk into my hotel with a man without a face follows me, he sits down and we start to talk and I excuse myself to use the restroom. I change into a lovely piece of lingerie and reenter the room. I can feel the surprise on this man’s face but I cannot see his face as I walk up to him and tell him to remove his clothes and I can feel is shock and he begins to smile.

I can see his smile but not his entire face and he begins to disrobe, obviously thinking he is going to get laid which he is not. He strips down to his boxer-briefs and I tell him to lie down on his stomach after he removes his briefs, which he does and he is not one bit shy. He lies down and he his long legs reach the end of the bed with his feet hanging over the edge. I walk over to the bed and I have some wonderfully fragrant massage oil in my hand and I sit down at the edge of the bed.

I pour the oil on his foot and I begin to massage his feet and toes, slowly using my thumbs on the sole of his foot, I use my thumbs to massage up his lower leg working the muscles in his calf and then I do the same to his other leg. His legs are almost together and I ask him to spread his legs and he moves them apart slightly and I tell him further apart, which he does and I begin to massage his thighs once again using my thumbs to loosen the muscles and I do the same to the other leg.

I am generous with the oil and drip it onto his ass and I begin to massage his ass cheeks and lower back and he begins to moan in pleasure. I pour more oil onto the center of his back and continue the massage up to his shoulder blades and I begin to use my elbow to release the stress from his muscles. I can hear his soft moans of pleasure and I ask him to turn over and I massage his chest, waist and down his legs, he is to relaxed to get a hard on and that is my goal, to totally relax his body and his mind.

The sexual anticipation is gone and he is enjoying my touch as I release the demons of stress from his body and I am massaging each one of his toes to his pleasure. I ask him to lie on his side which he does rather slowly because he is so relaxed. I massage his upper thigh and hip and begin to massage his balls which gives him an instant erection and I begin to massage his full hard cock as I drip more oil onto his ass and begin to massage his ass, working my finger slowly into ass as I stroke his cock.

As I massage his cock and enter his ass he begins to moan loudly as my finger is quite lubed up and searching his internal pleasure point. As I am massaging his front and back he cannot hold back and his cum shoots across the room at super sonic speed and I continue to pump his cock until there is nothing but cum droplets left. I leave the him totally expelled and head to the bathroom to get a warm cloth to clean him up as he lies there exhausted and I return placing the warm cloth on his limp cock and I wash him clean.

He lies back putting his hands behind his head telling me how much he enjoyed the evening and he asks me to lie next to him, which I do placing my hand on his chest and my knee on his hip and we talk very slowly and I drift off to sleep, never seeing his face. I do not know why I cannot see his face and it doesn’t make any sense to me but it is such a relaxing dream that keeps coming back to me and it leaves me so relaxed and feeling fulfilled for a time.

Slight

My hand is gently touching the side of your face, slowly sliding down your neck. I am looking deep into your eyes as I raise my other hand and start to unbutton your shirt. I remove your shirt from your shoulders and let it fall freely to the floor as you stand staring back at me.

I undo your belt, unzip and unbutton your pants and let them fall to your ankles as I slowly bend down and have you lift each foot as I remove your shoes, sox and pants. You are standing there naked except for your boxer briefs and you look down and into my eyes.

Now, go back to work and stay busy ok? Just thought I would throw a bit of a fantasy your way to start off your mid morning love, lol  mwaaahhhhhhhhh

U R Fool A

We make such silly mistakes in our lives and some really dumb decisions and we do not like the consequences. Life isn’t waiting for any of us and you are old today as you will ever be at this age which basically means you will never be this exact age again. We think live will hold for us and when we realize it won’t it’s usually too late.

People dress for success and when they are alone they can be themselves. People act a certain way to impress others and that is a fact which cannot be ignored. I want the real you not the fake and the phony shown to the world, I need the real thing, a real direction, a real love.

so-i-made-up-my-mind-B

We will always have a connection and that cannot be denied but the games are old and I’m tired of the ties we end up. I can’t waste time because I am not broken any longer, I have rebuilt myself, stronger and in control, no more little girl lost no I am a woman with a definite direction which includes you.

“C” Ab

I think a muscular body is so hot on a guy and thighs and calves really get me going. I also like that little spot where the thigh meets the butt, ohh  la la and then there is the six pack that makes me just want to do bad things. “C” has an awesome chest and he is so sexy but I can’t seem to do anything but friendly gestures.

I like his chest and the feel of it on my face and him running his hand through my hair as we are chatting. It’s so natural yet so odd at the same time. I am guilty of doing the most insulting thing that you can do to anyone without them knowing it, I think of someone else which I hate doing.

 

I find myself fantasizing about “him” which isn’t fair to “C” but I cannot help it. I fantasize that I am with “him” but I cannot have sex with “C” because if I do, I would feel “soiled” if “him” and I ever met. I know that is stupid but I am the way I am and I have morals and ethics I just cannot throw away.

Direction Positive

I have been going through quite a few mental changes and how I view people and the world. These changes are subtle but definitive and they are reshaping my views and fears. I am ready to step forward into a healthy relationship and I have wiped the slate completely clean so we can start fresh.

It’s like I have met someone for the first time when in fact I have known him four years. I want to meet him and talk to him and I want to know what I feel for this person. I love him, yes but in a different way then I have loved anyone else-it’s hard to describe but I know I can be silly with him.

I also know I can be myself with him and that is hard to come by because I do not feel totally comfortable with anyone. I have always kept a shield up but with him I feel safe enough to let it down. He is finally letting a bit of his guard down as well and this is good for both of us.

I do not want to change a single thing in his life, not where he lives, the time he spends with his kids or family, the way he sleeps. The sleeping part is a lie because I want him to get into a better sleeping pattern for his health. He is going to make a gigantic change in his own life soon enough.

I am here for him and I am starting to believe he is here for me but I am going to continue to see “C” until I know there is a connection with us. I won’t have sex with “C” but I will continue to want him to kiss me and hold my naked body next to his. It is an odd relationship we have because he hasn’t tried to push the sex button.

 

No Entry

There is something wrong with me and I am having a difficult time sexually with someone I am seeing.  We have slept together naked and not had sex, only romance and kissing and I know I shouldn’t be complaining because I love romance and kissing.

I want to have sex with him but I can’t, don’t ask me why there is just something stopping me. It’s as if I have sex with him then there is a committed relationship and I do not want that. I am not someone who will have sex for the sake of having sex, if you know what I mean.

I really like “C” but I’m not ready for that leap and he isn’t pushing me, I think I am pushing myself as if I have fallen off a horse and I am getting back on to get over my fear. Men are not horses and I am sure sex is like riding a bike but for some reason I cannot take that step with him.

This is not normal behavior or is it? Do people get afraid to have sex when they have been alone for so long physically? It’s as if sex is a trap that lures you in and grabs you from behind and for me it solidifies a relationship, am I wrong?