I know people that have been married over fifty years and I know widows that have never remarried, those were their “greatest love of all”. That kind of love is rare and when you have it you know it, it’s not the “puppy” type love as I refer to it as. Loving has degrees, levels and depths and most people never even scratch the service.
My adolescent “greatest love” was when I was in ninth grade, he was tall, long hair, “suck you in” eyes and a sweetheart. He was your typical Aquarius and odd but true we melted into each other. To this day I think of Tony and say a prayer for him as he was murdered at nineteen.
Now that I am in my early fifties, I have buried a husband that I loved but was never in love with and nor he with I, I ran, walked, stumbled, tripped and dove into my current “greatest love of all”, we have never met but the connection is there. It is living and breathing as you and I are and it grows each day as a beautiful flower in a field. I am a dreamer but this is no dream this is as God intended it to be.
The love I have for this man doesn’t even fall in the same category as love but I am without words to express the depth of it. When you want nothing but the best and happiness for someone even though they are with someone else and you don’t matter, that is beyond love.
I see his smile and hear his voice and the angels are singing and yes he is that special to the world and I of course hold him within my very veins as he flows threw me every second of every day. It’s an odd thing the emotion of love and it is all consuming when you have the greatest love of all. I will never remarry again as I consider myself married to this man through the eyes of God.
We came together in the oddest of circumstances and almost four years later we still are within an unseen reach. He may wish that I forget him but his wishes will never be answered because he is my greatest and that is it, that’s it and it’s non negotiable. Am I denying myself and also hurting myself?
No I am not because I am open to dating but there will never be anyone that can remove this man from my life, it’s impossible. When you experience your greatest love of all there is no turning back, turning away or denying it. It consumes your entirety and one accepts that as the feelings are cloned tenfold and knowing that even in my mind at times I feel like letting go, I just cannot.
My prayers are always with him and I will always want the best for him regardless of how he lacks feelings for me. It’s all good because the greatest love of all I am experiencing and that is more than I can say for most people.