People come into and go out of our lives on a regular basis but there are few that leave a mark on us that we remember forever. I can remember my third grade teacher like I had seen her yesterday and she had a powerful impact on my life. Those are the type of people we never forget and we cherish them in a special way as they have given us something no one else could ever possibly have given. She taught me to love reading and to express myself through writing. She was a tough old broad but she cared and she could see the potential I had when my mother couldn’t be bothered to read what I had written.
I have had a hand full of others that have given me experiences that will forever stay with me and they also have taught me much. I have been taught not to trust everyone but only a very few and I have been taught that the word love means nothing without action to back it up. I have learned people will use you and lie to you but there are good people in the world that do care and are there to help you when you need it. But, most of all I have been taught that the one that loves us most and is always there is God and he never fails us in our hour of need.
I have been taught that we are the happiest when we love ourself because when we do we make choices that will benefit us and make life a pleasant experience, and yes this does including hurting others at times unfortunately. I stayed in a relationship that was no longer providing what I needed and I stayed out of commitment, guilt and fear to strike out on my own but when I finally had had enough of the unhappiness everyday I had to make my move and I did. I no longer felt committed, no longer felt guilt but felt a freedom that I never knew possible. The hardest part for me was the routine I had gotten used to over the years but then I was able to start a new routine that made my life happier in so many ways.
We have to learn to love ourselves before we can let others love us and that isn’t easy to do but it isn’t all that hard either as long as we can see the good in ourselves. I am starting to like myself and that is a step in the right direction, I am a loving, kind, considerate, warm, caring person and yes I do have the not so nice side as well but in the main I am a damn good person and no one can tell me different. It seems like people who are like me get screwed over so much but eventually there is one other person on this earth that will love us for who we are and not try to change us but enjoys us just as we are.
If you ever feel like nothing more than a paycheck and you do not feel loved but just “there” then it is time to reexamine where you are in life and if you want to keep feeling the way you do. We have this little voice inside us that tells us what is right and wrong and when we ignore it is when we are the most unhappiest. That voice is there to guide us but if we choose not to listen there is nothing more that can be done at that moment. We cannot stop the wheels in motion and all things do and will come to an end in time and most of the time it hits before we see it if we aren’t paying attention.
We cannot expect others to wait for us when we stay in a state of confusion or denial, we cannot expect others to put their lives on hold waiting for us to catch up and we certainly cannot expect others to block happiness from coming into their lives. I wait for no one and I dance to the tune that makes me the happiest and the only thing holding me back are material things until I can get rid of them. I am a free spirit by nature and I am not afraid of the unknown but embrace it with excitement and vigor and I do not need anyone in my life to make me feel fulfilled.
I have a friend that says she is miserable in her marriage, her husband is basically a dead beat and she works double shifts everyday to support him as well as her son. I do not encourage her to leave but do tell her that one day her life will change when she wants it to and I would be there to help her if need be. There are times I feel insecure, beaten down and hopeless but these times do pass and I know I can continue on and when I do I put the crap behind me and grab the next adventure gratefully and move on.
No one can make us happy but ourselves and others that cross our paths can add much happiness or much pain along the way but at least we are have not allowed ourselves to become stagnant and we grow as people should. If you are ever lucky enough to love someone, really love someone then grab that person because very few people ever experience matters of the heart so deeply and satisfying and do not expect that person to wait for you to come to them as they will not wait because they are not supposed to.
Sometimes, what we need and want is standing in front of us but we refuse to reach out to them and when they are gone we kick ourselves in the ass for being so stupid. We try as we may to get that person back into our lives but it is too late most of the time. There is a rare bird that will fly back overhead and land on our shoulder forever so catch that bird while you have a chance or let the bird go and watch how beautiful it is in flight.