A Deep Well

The one thing I have always wanted in my life is to be able to trust someone without fear that they will turn on me. I thought I had found my best friend in my husband but I found out how evil he could be. I opened myself up to him like a deep well and I exposed some of my deepest, darkest experiences. What did he do with that information? Used it against me telling my friends, his attorney and the mediator his embellished version. of course his version either bordered on a lie or was a lie.

I hate it so when you trust someone and they share your information with others. In my case my husband used my most personal and deepest, darkest secrets against me during our divorce.

I tried so hard to have a friendly divorce but that wasnt the case. My husband wanted everything in the divorce even though he came into the marriage with nothing but bills. He was all about impressing people with the material shit we had together, of course he would claim that everything was because of him.

Its important to be able to trust your partner because without trust you have nothing. I so wish I would meet someone that makes my heart skip a beat. I have no doubt there is a wonderful love out there somewhere looking for me.

I so need a dominant male that isn’t afraid to challenge me and isn’t afraid to explore my sexual side. I so enjoy sex that connects me with my partner because I find random sex to leave me feeling flat and empty.

My daughter had a “one night stand” that lasted a few weeks and then he disappeared without so much as a fuck off. I felt so bad for her because she was so upset and crying but I warned her not to bone him.

She asked me if I ever had had a one night stand and told her yes. I was honest with her because I think most of us have experienced a one night stand. Im sure next time she will be more cautious before she drops her panties and lets her heart spill out.

I so miss the touch of a man and the excitement that comes with making love. I enjoy using oils and massaging the male body and no part is exempt from my hands. I know how wonderful tantra is because I experienced the most awesome orgasm I have ever experienced in my life.

The touch of the fingers and hands on the body connect two people and how you explore the body brings the two of you closer. I cannnot wait until I can explore tantra with someone that excites me mentally as well as physically.


Fifteen Years Later

I went to bed last night knowing that when I woke up it would be fifteen years later that 9/11 occurred. When I finally sat down and turned on the tv it was exactly to the minute fifteen years after such an event started.

I remember that I was working at the Steel Mill as an A Class Electrician and I was sitting at the table in my work area waiting for my daily assignment. When I heard that the towers had been hit by an airplane I knew that it wasn’t any accident.

How could you even think for a minute it wasn’t an attack? The towers were huge and no plane would ever hit them without notifying the airport that they were having difficulties and needed to land.

Now 9/11 shocked many Americans and those visiting our land.  It was a time of instant fear that shook our foundations. Then we hear that the second tower was hit and that our government was finally realizing this was no accident this was an attack.

There I sat at the table with my fellow workers with chills running up and down my spine. We looked at each other  speechless because we didnt know what to say at that moment. Our security had been shook to the core and there was no place we could hide.

 We watched people jumping to their deaths 3/4 of the way up the towers and  the towers  finally collapsed from the intense heat. The shock and dismay left me utterly speechless and like so many others what I was watching seemed surreal.

Fifteen years ago I wondered how any one person could have so much hate in their heart and today I still wonder. Using young men to do suicide missions is cowardly at best and the use of religion to control and manipulate others is lame as well.

The world is so full of hate and anger and people have become lazy. If only we could bring back the 60’s when families were families doing things together. The world has changed so much since the internet became easily accessible to the world.

Between the memory of 9/11 and the choices we have between candidates for president my heart is filled with sadness. I in no way approve of how the candidates have promoted themselves. The constant insults and remarks made out of ignorance have a direct or indirect affect on all of us.

So on this day of remembrance I can only pray for the survivors of those lost in 9/11. The once babies now young adults are feeling the loss of their family member. Many have died and many carry gaping wounds that can never be repaired.

I see the many disasters around the world as well as the many unhappy people lashing out at others. It saddens me so to see how the world has become a war zone and I so miss the days of my youth when life was simple.

Empty Nest

So many times I have thought about this day coming but I envisioned it quite differently. I have kept the tears abay for the most part but I have found the tears randomly streaming down my cheeks.

Being an empty nester isnt easy for most parents and we dont realize how emotional we will get when that days comes. Yesterday we packed up her car, got the electric in her name and we planned a trip to punta cana the first week of January.

My daughter has worked so hard and she wants to be able to take summer classes to make law school easier each semester. She has three very short years ahead of her and before she knows it she will be getting her law degree.

My son has left me with two emotions, relief and the ties that bind mother and son. He and his girlfriend treated me like shit and didnt do a damn thing to help around the house. I didnt charge them a dime and paid for everything.

He is now living with his girlfriends aunt and he told me the other day he had a month to find someplace to live. I couldn’t invite him back home no matter how much my heart wanted to.

My son refuses to see a dr or take meds let alone go to a counselor. The problem with the illness is that so many refuse to believe they have an illness. They seem to have to spiral to the ground before they  accept they need help.

On top of everything my son flew to texas and showed up on someone’s doorstep he played games online with. He sent this girl a gift for xmas two years ago and he kept her address.She had told him if he was thinking about moving to Texas she would help him get a place and a job.

So I kicked him out and he assumed he could get this great paying job in Texas, which didnt happen and to make things worse my son assaulted this girls husband because he spanked his daughter.

My son is now facing assault charges and has to go back to Texas to clear this mess up. His girlfriend is pregnant and she has mental issues of her own. I cannot allow either of them to treat me poorly and the baby is nothing more than the hook to keep my son on the line.

She got pregnant on purpose and just like so many other girls she assumed that my son will eventually marry her. This isnt going to happen because she is nothing more than a piece of ass for my son.

My son would still be living at home if it hadn’t been for her because I had to evict her and then him to get her out of my house. I should of never allowed her to stay here but like so many times before I believed the bullshit my son told me.  She claimed to be abused and used at home and I fell for the story.

Everytime I have helped my son or his friends I have been burned and one would have thought that I would have more sense. Well, the time finally came that mom had to let her son sink or swim.

Im sure he will do fine one way or the other but his lieing has turned most of his friends away from him. He is a real manipulator and he makes you believe his lies and he makes you want to help him.

So here I sit with tears streaming down my face and a sadness that has washed over my body. I already miss my daughter so much and she has only been gone an hour. Now its time to focus on myself and start enjoying life as an empty nester.


White Sands

He had it all and that included the eyes of the young women ten years his junior. Yes, a young tight ass was great to fuck but after a while the sex becomes standard and the mental connection weakens.

He had found a woman, a real woman online years ago and he was fascinated by her. He read everything she wrote and he looked at her pics. He had a fear of this woman because he knew she wouldn’t put up with his bullshit.

She couldn’t be bought and that was what troubled him the most. He had bought everyone in his life and he figured everyone had their price. Her price couldn’t be measured in dollars and cents or even pounds.

He thought about her every day and he wanted to touch her, smell her, taste her, fuck her. He knew he would never be allowed to fuck her unless she wanted to be fucked because she preferred to make sensual love.

She was experienced, mature and knew how to please a man on all levels. She was intelligent so she could keep him mentally stimulated and she was highly sexual which any man would love.

He thought about the two of them walking  on a beach on the island of Mauritius. He grabbed her hand and they ran up the beach under the coconut trees. He had already had a blanket laid out for them and a lovely picnic style lunch.

They talked and laughed and enjoyed each others company so much they had blocked out everyone else close to them. She asked him if he would like some suntan lotion put on his back and he said yes.

He laid on his stomach and she poured the lotion on his back. She rubbed the oil all of his back and his arms and she worked the oil into the back of his thighs and calves. She slipped her hands up under his shorts and she got a hand full of his balls which turned him on even more than he had been already.

He rolled over on one hip so he could free his engorged cock from the pressure of his body. She rubbed the front of his legs and his ankles and she began to suck on his toes one by one. 

He had no idea how sensual it was having your toes sucked on and he wasn’t aware of the nerve that ran from his second toe up to his cock. That nerve once stimulated made both men and women sexually aroused.

She worked her way up his calves to his thighs and she slipped her hand up under his shorts. She stroked his hard cock and she told him she so wanted to fuck the shit out of him. 

She pulled his cock down so she could see the head under his shorts. She slowly licked and sucked on his hardness while she massaged his balls. She was one of those women that was a chef in the kitchen and a slut in the bedroom.

She had him lie on his back and she straddled him on the blanket and she positioned herself so she could move the crotch of her swimsuit aside. She guided his cock inside of her and no one knew she was literally fucking him on the beach.

She moved back and forth and they looked into each others eyes deeply and the connection was undeniable. These two soul mates finally had found what they were searching for and in need of.

She leaned over and kissed him passionately and they began to make out with his cock still inside of her. They moved in unison and both could not hold back the orgasm that would explode inside both of them.


A Mother’s Pain

If you are a mother you can relate to how much my heart hurts. I have tried so damn hard to raise my kids the best way I know how. My son is bipolar and tried to kill me two years ago.

He refused to take his meds and he was posting on facebook that he was going to commit suicide. I took away his phone so he couldn’t post anymore of that crap and he attacked me. 

He is a big boy 6’2″ 240 lbs. and he is very strong. He grabbed me and threw me into a wall and took the dog cage and started beating me with it. Earlier he had poured a gallon of milk on the kitchen floor and I refused to clean it up.

Once I was able to get on my feet I ran into the kitchen avoiding the milk and he slipped and slid into the cabinets. That is the only thing that saved me as he ran out the sliding door.

The cops found him walking barefoot in the middle of winter down the street. He was committed to a mental institution for a year. I did everything I could to help him get better. I would drive an hour every saturday to go see him and do therapy sessions with him.

My son is the spitting image of his dad as far as manipulating and lieing and you cannot tell he is lieing because he is so good at it. I have never lied those dark and ugly lies but I am guilty of the little white lies.

My son and his girlfriend were living with me and I didnt ask a dime from them. They lived like pigs and I had to evict them last week. My son has been playing league of legends which is a huge online game.

He met some older people that live in Texas and they became friends. Ryan told them that I was hateful person that has never done a damn thing for him. He talked about me like I am shit so of course they invited Ryan and his gf to Texas.

My son stole 2 computers that cost $5000.00 the alienware gaming computer was $4000.00 alone. He broke up with his girlfriend four months ago and she cried like someone had died.

My son is her first boyfriend and she told me they were marrying in a couple of years. Lieing little bitch got knocked up and she is now 4 months pregnant. I found out from a friend of my sons.

He told me he wanted nothing to do with me ever again and that he wanted me out of his life forever. Ok, no problemo I removed him from my will already and I refuse to help him ever again.

I have no desire to see that kid and my son needs mental health badly as does his girlfriend. My son has huge up and downs emotionally and the mood swings get scary at times.

I have cried for two days because I have tried so damn hard but nothing I do is ever good enough. My son feels he is entitled to steal from me and that I owe him. He is jealous that his sister got two cars already and totalled both and now on her third car.

He is jealous because everyone that meets my daughter can see she is going places and is a hard worker. My son is lazy, inconsiderate and hates me and if he had a gun he would shoot me-no lie that is how much he  hates me.

I know I raised him and being a single parent I felt bad that his father had passed. I know I was always easier on my son than my daughter. This entire ordeal has ripped my heart out of my chest. I didnt know I had that many tears inside of me but I found to have a flood of them.

A mother’s pain runs deep when their child do and say hateful things. When a mother doesnt have a good mother that raised them then problems arise. My mother was physically and mentally abusive. She never conforted me or told me she loved me, in fact she told she hated me and wish I had never been born.

I lack the ability to show compassion physically, hugging and giving words of comfort are foreign to me. I dont know how to comfort people spontaneously, I actually have to thing about my reactions and what to say.

I am very compassionate and caring but showing those emotions is very difficult for me. I tried to comfort my mother when I was younger and she rejected my hugs so that is why as an adult I cannot just show someone how much I truly to care and want to comfort them.

I have to look at the situation in the best of light and it is best he is gone. My son has been making me sick and I am so upset that I cannot keep anything down. I had two temporary ischemic attacks about six years ago and I have to be careful not to have anymore.

I lost part of my  memory and I do have a difficult time with my short term memory. Fortunately for me I did recover most of the memory back but I still have issues. Keeping myself healthy is my main priority and cutting my son loose is going to remove the daily stifling stress.

Here I am a widowed mother trying to do her best but nothing she does is ever good enough. It breaks my heart but cutting my son loose is the only way he will grow up and learn about life and I will find some peace finally.


Heartbreak Friday

My daughter had dated the same boy since tenth grade but since she is doing her internship in Washington D. C. her life has changed drastically. She has lived on her own while sharing an apartment with three other girls.

She has finally flown the coop and she will be getting an apartment in the next few months. She will be renting somewhere in the school area. While in D. C. she met a guy that made her heart skip a beat.

She was experiencing that giddy, happy, wanna be with you type of interest in the opposite sex.She really fell fast and even dumped her boyfriend so she could be free to date this other guy.

He is several years older than her, has his own car, apartment, his own job and he bartends on the side. My daughter thought she might stay a week with him at his apartment but I had warned her about sleeping with this guy. I am not saying she would have but those hormones make us do stupid things.

I talked to her today and she is crying as she tells me that he is a fuck boy. I asked her what that meant and she said he is only out to fuck everyone. She thought that she was special but all she was, was a another girl to fuck.

I know she hasn’t had sex with him because she was blown off and he is flirting with someone else. It’s so damn hard listening to her cry but she learned a very valuable lesson. 

She will be able to tell a player from someone who is serious. It is just so damn hard listening to those tears roll down her cheeks. At least she saw what he was all about early on before she could be hurt any deeper.