The Blade

I do not know how they do it especially Gabriel but he manages to piss all over his own belly or he is pissing and Michael pees on Gabe. For some reason potty training these two has not gone so well so I have to put dog diapers on them, lol. I ran the water into the tub and added my favorite bubble bath, vita bath.

I slipped off my clothes and placed one foot after another in the tub as I sat down with my knees brought into my chest and my breasts pushed into my chest. I wrapped my arms around my knees and bent my head onto my knees and let the tears flow as I thought of him and only him once again. How does one let love for another cause them so much pain? So much anguish?

I slowly let go of my knees and let them stretch the length of the tub and the warmth of the water penetrated my skin. I let the rest of my body submerge into the bubbles and I raised my hand to my forehead as I let the water cover my head and my hair floated free. I sat up and flipped open the cap on the shampoo and poured a generous amount into the palm of my hand.

I applied it to my hair building up a lather and then I looked at the razor. I looked at the light reflect off the blade and I thought one swipe across my wrist could end my pain. If I were to do such a thing I would be causing my children a terrible pain and that just isn’t fair to them or to myself, not really.

I rinsed my hair, shaved the areas of my body that I wish to keep without hair and then I snatched up Gabe. I brought him into the tub with me and washed him and then Michael and let them run around the bathroom as I stood up and used the water wand to rinse myself off. I moved the release on the tub to let the water out as I stood naked and wet looking into the mirror.

I wondered if he would ever love me, would he ever come to me, did I mean anything to him? I wondered if he ever missed me, ever wondered what my hair felt like, smelt liked, I wondered if he ever wondered what my skin felt like, my breasts, my delicate spot between my thighs. I wondered if he ever wondered what it would be like to make love to me and I wondered the same things myself.

He will never find another that will love him the way I do, never care for him the way I do and will never take care of him the way I would. He will never find another woman who could make him feel what he wants to feel so badly and he will never make love to a woman who can make love to him the way he wishes.

There is only one woman for him and she is pure in heart and her devotion is not to his bank account but to his soul. That one woman he knows waits for him and him alone and she will give herself not to another man in this lifetime. She will wait for him through this lifetime and into the next if that is what it will take to be with him.

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