Quarter Bounce

I finally bought a new king size mattress for my bed. I got rid of our mattress a few days after Bob died. I just couldn’t sleep in that bed any longer. Every morning since May 10, 2003 I would put my hand on his chest to see if he was still alive.

Bob’s family has a clotting disorder and Bob would get clots quite a bit. I thought he would die from them but he died from leukemia. The mattress was to symbolic of him and it had to go. I got a new one and it is extra firm.

The mattress is so hard you can bounce a quarter off of it. Most people wouldn’t like to sleep on a mattress that hard but I have slept great for the last two nights. I haven’t woke up with back or hip pain, it’s a beautiful thing.

The next dilemma is  being very careful of  “breaking it in”. I seem to remember the first man I have been on a mattress. I do not want just anyone in my bed if you know what I mean but I can only wait so long and with “C” in my life, I don’t know if we ever will make love but the potential is definitely there.


I have been sleeping on a queen size mattress on my king size bed because i threw away my mattress after Bob died. Today, the kids and I went and bought a new one and we got a 60″ tv. They come tomorrow and James will finally have a mattress for his bed, the mattress is really comfortable if you do not have back problems.

I settled on an extra firm mattress and I almost fell asleep while they wrote it up, I am hoping to sleep better finally because I toss and turn too much and soft mattresses are painful for my hip and back. Age is something on the body and I have torn up my back helping Bob and now my shoulder from my son trying to commit suicide.

Half my daily battle is getting through the day with as little pain as possible and I really need my sleep or I am really bitchy. I think this may help me quite a bit because no pain I feel great but when I wake up hurting I am so damn miserable.

Odd Bed Fellows

Everyone has a unique way of sleeping, some have a pillow between their knees, some have one under their knees or feet, some hug a pillow and some must have two pillows under their head. Most don’t even recognize the feel of the sheets, I for one notice two things, if I have a feather pillow and at least a thousand thread count sheets.

I know that’s kind of anal but there is only one thing I like more than being in bed and that is in the tub. I love having a master bathroom with a jacuzzi tub it’s so comfy and pleasing in more ways than one, lol..It’s a damn shame all this sexiness is going to waste, roflmao, told you I was an asshole, at least I can admit it and laugh.

Back to bed, when I have a partner besides a cat or dog, more in the male persuasion human species kind, I like to have my head on his arm, hand on chest and right knee next to groin. When I turn over, then I have a pillow between my knees, relieves some of that post surgery pain.

I really like the feel of cool sheets and the softness of them, I like to go for all the “cold” spots in the bed, moving my leg once the bed gets warm underneath my leg. I know it’s weird but I am weird in my own way and it’s ok to be weird and it is damn fun at times as well.

The Embrace

I stood in the center of my great room and hugged myself and it felt good, yes it did. I have needed a hug for so long and since there is no one alive that is available, I hug myself and I liked it. I will not wait for someone to love me as I am loving myself and if I molest myself along the way, fantastic I need some physical appreciation as well.