Tears Of Holiday

This is the first Christmas without my dad and the second Christmas without my husband. I quit enjoying holidays the year I got married. Watching my kids open gifts was always a delight but when that was over I considered the day over and I was always glad. Tears of Holidays follow me like my shadow and I always cry these days over the empty, lost feeling of being alone on the holidays.

My kids have their own agenda and the closest I have been to my son in quite a while was tonight when both of us ran for the bathroom, him to puke and me, well there are certain foods that shoot through my system like a cannon. I do have to laugh because he puked all over the toilet, himself and me and I shit all over myself.

We didn’t know which smelled worse but both of us ended up taking showers, like yesterday. It just amazes me how we have four bathrooms but we seem to always use the one. I wonder if that is the case in most homes or is this just another oddity to this household.

I do not have a single decoration up or a Christmas tree and I just do not have any desire to celebrate the holiday’s because there is nothing for me to celebrate. Do I celebrate my dad’s death? My husband’s? No, I celebrate nothing even though Christmas has nothing to do with us or buying presents.


Re Gift Him

I was telling my gf about this guy I have been seeing and all the presents he has attempted to give me. She said to me that I obviously needed to be slapped because I could take those gifts and sell them or re gift them for xmas. I thought I had a devious mind sometimes well I have got to tell you she has me beat, hands down.

First, I would never think of accepting his gifts but to think of selling them or re gifting them is just way out there for me. I know of people who re gift their kids gifts because the kids get way to much crap and if you have to buy for a lot of family members, well what the hell.

I would never re gift a gift given to me, omg to think of doing that takes some balls and mine just don’t roll that a way. I crack up when I think about it because that is just something that is even beyond me, lol and there is few things that fall in that category. My gf keeps on me to accept these gifts and give them to her, lmao.

Gotta tell ya, a friend like that is worth so much as she is a friggin riot and the two of us drinking is the best damn time I have ever had! Neither of us drink so we get drunk very easily and stupid, let me tell you we are stupid at it’s best and we should have our own stupid slow.

The Meeters

He contacted me online yesterday, said he was my soul mate and I began to think how he is more attractive to me the older he gets and he look like such a playful type of man, a man who is so much more a kid then a man in many ways. Ways that make life so fun, so crazy and silly.

How can I love this man so much and I have never met him? How can I think of nobody else but him all day? Why do I think of him when I am really sad and lonely? He is my rock as I have no one else but to be honest I really wouldn’t want anyone else to be that important to me.

He holds a place in my heart that no one has ever held and he means the world to me just as he is, no I do not want him to change a thing about himself as he is perfect just the way he is. He makes me laugh and he keeps me smiling when I need to the most, he’s a silly, crazy kind of person with a good heart.

I wish he would  do something special for my birthday like take me out to dinner, show himself for once and really be there for me for a change but I know that isn’t going to happen even though I will wish for that time to happen, even though I already know I will be letdown.

The Surprize

Has anyone ever said to you that they wanted to do something special for you? Then you begin to wonder if they were serious or not? Then you begin to wonder what someone could possibly get you based on what they know of you. My husband never bought me a single thing that I liked and always bought me vacuum type of gifts.

I can’t think of anything I need or what anyone could possibly buy me, I know it’s odd for a female not to care for gifts but I actually do not like getting gifts as I get embarrassed. I find it so embarrassing to receive a gift from someone and I have no idea why but I feel funny accepting a gift.

So here I sit wondering what this secret surprise is supposed to be and when am I to get it? On my birthday? I doubt it and bet it was just lip service. I don’t need to get excited over this because I seriously doubt that I will be receiving anything and that’s ok to but don’t talk shit if you can’t follow through.

Why Not

So many people say “why me”, I ask why not you or why not me, we are not special and bad things happen so good things can come into our lives. I have had so many bad things happen that I expect things to go south and when they go right I am so happy. People blame God for their troubles and some even have  eliminated God from their lives yet in their hour of need they are calling out his name.

I believe the man above has great plans in store for me and the next couple years are going to be major changing years. They are not going to be easy but I will learn a heck of a lot. I do not know where I am headed but it’s in the right direction I have no doubt. I do hope I finally meet my great love because that would really make life easier.

I have survived so much and been through so much but I am still a bulldozer and can continue to move forward. A blogger said to me that I was an inspiration, I do not feel like one but I have fought a good fight. I fight for myself and my children, I fight to make this world a better place, I fight for the ignored handicapped and I fight for you as well as myself.

I have this great plan to help the people of Nigeria with housing, food banks, medicine ect. I have had this dream for several years and once my son graduates I will be putting my plan into action. I have friends that live in Nigeria and the knowledge I have can make a huge difference in their lives.

There are too many children in third world countries that are starving and dieing everyday and I can do something about it and I will in time, everything takes time. It takes time, money and donations and since I am excellent with sales that will not be too difficult to obtain. 

So many people blame Nigeria for scamming and I agree there are scammers there but they are everywhere and use Nigeria as not to bring notice to where they actually are. You can pay one person in Nigeria and live in England or the States and fly there to collect your cash.

It’s not rocket science but people can never see beyond what is in front of their faces and I am no exception to that rule. My own ignorance is apparent when it comes to my great love. I refuse to see what is truly before my eyes but I am beginning to accept the truth.

The Branch

Life is nothing more than a series of branches and we must decide which branch to turn to. The simple beauty of rain drops falling off the branches makes me feel so calm and serene. artwork invokes different emotions within me. I hope the photograph that I took below will make you feel something to

Quarters Only Please

Have you ever noticed that vending machines usually only accept quarters? Now in this economy that just isn’t right, as there are many times all I have is pennies, nickles and maybe a dime. It’s a damn shame the girl with 5 kids and each one has a different daddy and of course she has an I-phone 5 and a welfare recipient.

It just isn’t fair, I worked as an industrial electrician for twenty-three years and I can’t afford to buy myself a piece of ass. They should put men in a can and purchase them for a buck twenty five. That way you never get cheated if he doesn’t give you an orgasm. I think they should have vending machines selling marijuana and I think it should be legalized.

Marijuana was used by the indians as medicine, it’s a natural weed that has a medical purpose yet it is treated like it’s heroin. People have been so damn brain washed by out government. I don’t know what this world is coming to but I want to enjoy what is left of it before I croke.

Silly Is As Silly Does

Why are people always so serious? So many have their panties in a wad and can’t laugh at a damn thing including themselves. I thrive on stupid silly shit because it makes me laugh and laughter is awesome.

Life has become to demanding and rushed, there are no more leisure strolls and watching the flowers grow, everyone is in such a hurry and rude, damn people have become so rude. People do not like to get stupid because it may “reflect” poorly on them.

Well screw that is what I say, enjoy life and take it in for all it’s worth. Embrace that sunshine and whirl in the wind, smile laugh, laugh a lot.I think people have lost the “fun” in themselves and find something like a picnic by a lake to be to mundane for their lifestyle. I would so love to to have a simple picnic next to a lake, my word that is a great time to me. Yes, I am simple and boring to most, but you know what? I don’t give a damn about anyone else.