The Pain Burrows

I ran my hand over his cheek and down his neck only to find a chest of skin and bones. The clothing hid the tell tale signs of imminent death along with the odor that death carry’s with it.

The sadness washed over my face and down my body and as he laid there with his eyes closed my body started slowly with the tears. Making their way down my cheeks my tears turned into uncontrollable crying.

My body was racked with the pain of loss which would come within hours. He no longer felt pain as I had given him the morphine required to steal away his physical pain.

He had talked to me earlier but few words were spoken. The pain in his eyes said volumes as we shared our last physical moments together. He and I had a life together, children together, built a house together and shared good as well as bad times.

The memories came and went at their own free will and I was at a loss to stop the invasion. Yes, the memories were invading me when I least expected it or wanted it.

I hated the memories as they brought not just the death of my husband but the death of my grandmother as well. Both were in great pain shortly before they passed and I was there to help them cross over.

Until you walk in the shoes of someone that has been a caretaker for someone taken over by cancer you have no idea how much the days tear at our hearts.

You have no idea how hard it is to watch a loved one slip away, slowly and methodically. You can never wash away our pain and emptiness and you can never even imagine how the pain burrows into our hearts.

Immunizations

When my daughter was thirteen I had to make the decision if she should have the gardisil shot which is supposed to fight cervical cancer. She had the shot which is done in three separate injections and the last one was the one that she passed out and snapped her jaw off her face and split up the center of her chin.

She had to have emergency surgery and I started investigating about immunizations and the compensation for each kind. I was shocked to see that gardasil was already on the list. She ended up getting a thirty thousand dollar settlement that she is going to start getting payments on her birthday.

Immunizations cause so much harm to our children and it could be avoided if the pharmaceutical company’s weren’t so damn greedy. It is so sad to see how many children have been affected by immunizations and how it has damaged them permanently.

 

Ya I’m Hurt

Thought you were going to read about another broken heart, huh? Nope, that’s not the latest and greatest pain, nope I got one just a bit better. My doc thinks I have a torn rotator cuff and he wants me to see an orthopedic surgeon and as far as my hip, he thinks I might have a “rotten ovary” as he put it lol, fucking men.

He thinks I could have bone cancer or something wrong with the female organs, my aunt had bone cancer in her hip and she survived that. I am just to damn mean to have cancer, my cells would kick cancers ass and take names later so there aint no cancer happening on this body.

So off to the other doc next week if I dont end up in jail, that’s another story involving scum and greed. I am trying to survive on social security because I’m disabled and it isn’t easy, let me tell you. I am fortunate compared to most as I have excellent health care benefits.

If  I need surgery that won’t happen for another two years as I have no one to take my son to school or take care of him so I cannot just check out because I need surgery. Being a mom is a twenty four seven day a week  job and it hasn’t been easy being a single mom at that.