Let Love In

There are so many people who love someone but they are not with that person. They are either married, engaged, involved with someone else. If you love someone you should let them know, you should tell them face to face not a text or email, that is tacky.

I love someone so much but I cannot express that love because he refuses to come to me. He claims to love me so much but will not come to me. It doesn’t make any sense to me and there is absolutely no excuse he can use that I will buy. I do not ask for much in this world and I would think he would want to be with me.

Maybe I’m porno to him, nice to look at and use for jacking off. I know one thing I have waited a long time to be happy with someone and yes I am ready to move on past my husband. I am so ready it almost hurts.

I had someone tell me last night that I wasn’t ready to move on, how in the hell can anyone tell you if you are ready to move on after a death of your spouse? How in the hell would they know what you feel and think? I am ready to have a relationship with someone and that is something I do know for sure.

The one thing I will never forget is how my husband died, it was terrible and I still see the blood on my hands and shirt, damn leukemia is terrible as your blood cells no longer can stay together and you throw up blood and it comes out of your nose until you finally die.

I will never forget that day and the timing was so ironic, he passed away at 2 p.m. which was an hour before the kids got home and enough time to have his body removed from the house. He was in a hospital bed and I called and had them take it out of the house that day.

So you see, after that experience and a year and one half later I am ready to move on, I am ready for a committed relationship and yes I am ready to let someone really love me. I deserve to be loved and so do you, all of us deserve to be loved and shouldn’t wait for love to come to us, instead go grab it with gusto.

No Game

Do you know what love is? Do you know you have taught me what it means? Do you know I walk through the days empty handed and thinking of you? I drop tears like pennies without you by my side and it gets harder each day to be without you by my side?

Do you enjoy seeing my tears or do you wish to make them disappear? I am covered in wetness and my heart is crying out for your arms to save me from the flood of my own tears, save me please from the empty existance that I am in.

Child To Parent

As we get older we tend to revert to being a child even to the point we must wear diapers. It is not easy for a child to watch their parent revert and even forget who they are. I received a call today from the home my mother is in and the Dr. needed my permission to treat my mother’s mental health issues.

Ask my mother and she will say”fuck you” there is nothing wrong with me but if you look at her history you can clearly see a person with mental set backs. I told the Dr. her history and now he can treat her accordingly because he couldn’t say to much but I told him what he needed to know.

My mother has relied on xanax for years to get her by but it never worked as she needed other meds. I know it sounds terrible for a daughter to refuse to put herself in a situation that could be harmful to her as well as her kids but sorry toxic people cannot be around healing people,

She could very easily destroy me and I will not let that happen and I do not have to let it happen either. You can actually damage someone to the point that they cannot associate with you and there is nothing wrong with protecting yourself from that danger.

Most parents can rely on their children in their old age but how you treat your child as they grow up will come back on you eventually, one way or the other. I took care of both of my grandmother’s and my in-laws but just cannot do it with my own mother.

She is very abusive to the staff at the home and she would be worse with me and I will not allow her to treat me that way any longer. I am learning not to let others treat me poorly as well but that seems to be a bit harder task for me to overcome, but I’m winning the battle.

I have noticed how we are treated as children is the same way we let other’s treat us and that isn’t right, not one bit. I find myself letting others treat me unfairly because I was raised that way. This is a very sad state to be in and can really hurt a lot.

I’m not someone who falls in a bucket of shit and comes out smelling like a rose, no I’m the type that falls in a bucket of shit and ends up smelling like a manure plant. You can’t even by animal manure without it being mixed with human waste, what is wrong with this world?

I am not going to apologize for my stand against my mother as she is being cared for and she has excellent health insurance because she listened to me long ago and signed up for the right insurance add on to medicaid, you have to always cover your butt in this world.