Panic Over Seas

Long distance relationships can put a lot of pressure on you if you let them but they need not be stressful at all if you look at the relationship logically. The first thing you have to take into consideration is any children of either party and then you have to consider family.

I do not have to worry about family because they are all have passed and it’s me and my children. I do not want anyone to move to the states to be with me because they do not have to. If their work is overseas then it is best to live overseas for the most part and then one has to look at the taxes.

I wouldn’t want him to move here because I don’t want to live here, lol. I am moving after Ryan graduates and I want to live over seas somewhere or another country and I am leaning towards latino countries because of personal believes. I think it is best that we take this real slow and get to know each other.

Sometimes people panic and say things to keep the person in their life but they should be careful of their promises and statements. There is no reason we can’t spend time together on the weekends or when he is alone and when a little one is visiting, I do not or he doesn’t visit me.

I am not one to want to bring children into a relationship for quite some time because  the scares  kids have are deep already and I am not one to want to rattle anyone’s cage. Children get very protective of their opposite parent and I know my son is very protective of me.

The thing about kids is they tell everything and there are no secrets. When I was separated I tried to drive into the kids that my life was mine and do not go back to dad and tell him what I am doing, it is none of his business. Don’t you know they couldn’t wait to tell him every little thing I did.

I know there will be problems if things work out and the x always has their two cents to put into the jar. I have no interest in being a problem for anyone and I definitely do not deal with x wives. I didn’t know her before and I do not know what happened in their relationship nor do I care to want to really know.

I think if we can make it through the first six months then we are doing well enough to go to the next level if things are working for everyone involved. I am a giver and I will do what ever needs to be done to make my relationships happy for everyone.

I do not ever expect to be put before kids unless they are adults then that is a completely different situation. I know how important a child/father/mother relationship is and our children are only children once and how we act shapes their world. We have to always be mindful of our kids and if we are things will work out beautifully.

I can live anywhere and I can go long periods without seeing someone if we keep in contact by phone or computer and I also see a huge changing coming into his life which is employment related, how he brings in money will change drastically and he will do very well for himself.

I do not want him to support me or my children and the nicest gift he could ever give me is a house keeper for a month, lol. My back is so bad that it hurts so much to bend and pick up around the house. I want us both to feel that we have our freedom but we are also one and I know both of us will have to make sacrifices, but it’s one day at a time, baby.

The Crying Vagina

Most women are raised to want children and when we give birth at that very instant we are transformed. Our entire lives revolve around the care, love and nurturing of that little soul. No one comes before our children, not our mothers, fathers or even spouses. We want only the best for our children and keeping them healthy and happy are our main goals.

A real mother will throw her husband to the wayside for the care of her children and that is how we are wired. We are also wired to love our children unconditionally and accepting them for who they are, not what we want them to be. I have two beautiful children but my son is a troubled boy who is suicidal.

I cry when I think of having to turn and walk away from him at 15 but I have no choice. I have avoided making this move for months but the time has come. Tough love is the hardest love we give our children or even an addicted spouse. It is a sad day as my heart slowly melts away in a puddle of tears.

I have given my son to the state because I am without answers and maybe with me out of his life he will either be happier or realize I sit day after day with a crying vagina. The body that gave birth to this child, the body that gave him mentally ill dna and the body that has loved him since we bonded.

I didn’t give birth to two children and instantly love them because I had no bond with them and I have one now and they rule my heart and emotions. I have no answers for my own life and none for my son’s so I am doing what I feel is best for now and maybe one day I can rebuild my family.


Where Have All

Where have all the children gone? I was a child when I was seventeen but now girls as early as eight years old are getting pregnant. There seems to be no more childhoods for kids, they are born and tossed into adulthood at such an early age that they no longer can be kids.

There are too many pregnancies, divorces and break ups going on in our world today that children no longer have a chance to grow up the way they should, being kids. To many kids become responsible for their siblings because their parent has to work double shifts or afternoons and cannot be home to care for them.

I do not believe anyone should collect welfare and be able to have an iphone, drive a Cadillac or collect benefits if they cannot get work or at least show they are trying. I know the economy is hard but a little creativity has to come into play with you need money and how to raise it.

If we do not start changing our world now it will definitely go to hell in a hand basket, but how can you stop technology? The world is revolving around technology but why can’t we have technology and live somewhat in the past? Is it too much to ask to teach kids manners and let them be kids?

Young Love

Young love is so sweet, so fragile and so deep and my daughter is experiencing this exact thing. She and Leo met in ninth grade. He took her to the prom but she didn’t like him but wanted to go to the prom. Then he asked her out months later and that was the beginning of me losing a part of my daughter.

When your child falls in love, serious love they write you off like a bad check. They have a backup that will pit themselves against you when they are not happy with the way you treat your child. Leo has made some serious errors as a boyfriend by telling me how to raise my daughter.

I have banned him from my home and my daughter is now living with him because of cps. We have no family so she had been given the right of where she wanted to live instead of going into foster care. She was in foster care for two weeks and I went crazy over her “care giver”.

I went to see my daughter, which I wasn’t suppose to do or know where she was staying. This woman opened the door with a nighty on clear up to her kitty and it had holes in it. She swore at me and that did it, I turned her in and cps interviewed my daughter to see if I was lying.

My daughter didn’t even have a sheet on her bed, there was dog piss everywhere and the woman even said she was a foster care participant for the money only. They did finally remove her as a foster care participant. This really affected my daughter terribly and as I drove away she sat on the porch crying.

This ripped out my heart so that is how she ended up at Leo’s. I went to court yesterday and my daughter has to come home for the weekends and her attorney totally agrees with me that she should not be living with her boyfriend. The young love she is in could end up blowing up in her face.

What will happen if they break up? Where will she live then? In foster care again and I will not have that. We talked about her going to college and the settlement money will not be enough every month for her to be able to afford an apartment. She will receive six hundred dollars a month for the next four years and I explained to her that law school is very expensive.

It cost like fifty grand for law school so I have got to figure out a way to get the money. She is going to be working and going to school but how is this young love going to sustain? I hope she ends up being so busy she doesn’t have time for him but I think I am just going to have to bite the bullet and accept Leo.

The one thing I cannot deny is how perfect they are for each other. They both have lost their dad’s and Leo seems to think he knows how I feel losing my husband. He has no clue and my parents divorced when I was three so I know what it is like not to have a father around but not how I would feel if I was seventeen and lost my dad.

I can never understand the depth of loss my daughter feels as she was a daddy’s girl. She stays busy so she doesn’t have to think of all that hurts her so bad. She is very closed and keeps her own council most of the time. She is a beautiful girl and she wouldn’t say shit if she had a mouthful.

Her attorney agrees that my family needs to rebuild our foundation and the judge ordered Shelby home on the weekends as a step towards bringing her home. In January we will be going back to court and she will be ordered home but she turns eighteen the seventeenth of January so she could turn right around and move back in with her boyfriend.

I need to get the money to buy her a car and I do not have that much time left that she will get social security and I am trying to pay off her private schooling. Leo will be around probably for the next year and then he may no longer hold her attention but I do not know, so I have to support her choice in boyfriends.