I was raised by my grandparents and they  were from Kentucky. They were typical southern baptists and yes they take singing at mass very important. Music moves us no matter what the lyrics.

I can remember the arms reaching to heaven, fainting, sweating and a lot of hurray’s. Music was based on the gospel and Elvis Presley made it quite famous. He took the gospil and sang it with vim and vigor.



Music Monday

I am starting a “Music Monday” where I will post a new song or songs to open your world up to something you may like or are moved by. The songs will cover all genre’s so I am sure you will not care for some of the songs but at least listen to the lyrics instruments and beat  before you leave 🙂



Travel Rocks

I do not have a clue of what I want in my life but I do know in two more years I am out of here. I am working on getting rid of stuff and I have a lot of stuff and I will be so glad to get rid of it.

I am trying to put as much crap online for sale as possible with xmas so close already people are snatching up my books. I made about 130 dollars last week which isn’t bad for books that I do not need.

I am still donating more stuff to Salvation Army and I want to get rid of as much as possible. Shelby is going to need stuff and so is Ryan so I am looking at getting rid of stuff between the two of them.

I have heirlooms that I have no use for like my mother in-laws china, I am just going to put that stuff online as well. I have my great grandmother’s china which is being passed to Shelby. 

Shelby wants my wedding ring which I think is b.s. because she shouldn’t be using my ring to enhance hers and she told me she wants some diamonds from Bob’s ring and my ring. My ring is worth around 7 or 8 thousand and it is beautiful.

I think I should just sell it and I can replace a banquet for Shelby, that girl does not need my wedding. If her “fiance” at the time can’t afford I nice ring well then he gotta go because her taste is too expensive.

Turn Away

So you have all the answers to all the questions and you need no one, not your spouse, family or God. You do not believe in God? Then why do you call out his name in your hour of troubled times?

Life isn’t about loving God, life is about doing as God puts forth in front of you and it is you who changes the world by being God’s instrument. Religion has nothing to do with it and neither do personal beliefs.

I am an instrument of God’s love and peace and that is gladly given for the life I live. My life is not happy but maybe it isn’t suppose to be about happiness, maybe it’s suppose to be about lessons and learning at this point.

I love to deeply and feel to strongly but there is a reason for that even if I do not know it at this time. I am happiest when I am doing for others so my life is not my own, it belongs to those that I can make smile, change their world and give them inner peace. 

Adult Embryo Walks

I am supposed to have all the answers but I do not have one and I am but am embryo walking into a new life as each step I take is paved with lessons that the heart does not want to learn. I submerge into a darkness that other’s have never experiences and never will because it is my own darkness and not to be shared.

My words are my legs that walk me around this world picking up the pieces of a once comfortable life, we tend to fall into what is comfortable and easy for us, who wants to be constantly challenged? Not I but I am the one that is challenged relentlessly, I am slammed against the wall and slide down it like a tear down a cheek.

My words are my weapons, they protect the weakest of hearts and mine is at the top of that list. I wonder what people think when they read my blog and I wonder how much pity is being poured from my peeps hearts. Do you feel sorry for me? Do you wonder why I am being tested so? Do you wonder what I did to bring such karma onto myself?

You may have all the questions but never will you have the answers as they are not for you to know. The life I live is pure unadulterated hell at this point and time but at least I can say I have literally been to hell and back, can you? Take your pity and your sad feelings and open up a can of tuna, dump it out and reseal it with your useless emotions for me.

Do you relate to any of what I am experiencing? Have you lived through similar? Is your life worse? If you answer yes to at least one of these questions then look inward, look very deep inward and look at the painting within. Does my pain touch a part of you that you were unaware existed?

If so, look deeper and uncover what you hide from and release it into the heaven’s to be cleansed by God and you will find your way in time, as I shall. You don’t believe in God? You believe in something or you stand for nothing and you stand tall with your beliefs and let life flow its natural path.

Escape Us

Who doesn’t want to escape once in a while? Who doesn’t want to be a kid again jump into rain puddles and make snow angels? Who doesn’t want to feel free and embrace the stars? I believe all of us have felt that way and it is good to escape and leave it all behind and grab what is ours.

I escape every day into a tempo that makes me feel good and smile. I cannot hold a note with a basked but I do love to sing and everyone sings in their cars or shower, don’t they? Music is my greatest and easiest escape because it reminds me of people, places and things that I once loved or still do.


I think I was involved music in my past life but then again I also think I was an attorney or involved heavily into law. I believe in past lives, karma, evil and good and I believe God has set a path for all of us. Being as spiritual as I am I know in my heart that God watches over me and I am his instrument.

I think God is pretty amazing even though he has had some pretty shitty things happen to me at times. He knows I need to learn and my stubborn ass needs to be shook up sometimes. It’s ok God because for every bad thing that has happened good things seem to follow and it’s about getting rid of the old making room for the new.

My life is starting to change and I can feel it and the way I am dealing and deciphering problems is changing in a more positive way. I am doing the work that needs to be done and I am eliminating items, legal problems and people who are not bringing positive into my life.

I really have to figure out what I want and go after it because I really do not know what I want other than a warm, loving, affection and secure relationship that isn’t controlling or stifling. I would like to have a relationship that allows us to constantly communicate and enjoy ourselves as well as the world around us.

Not Nice

When you love someone you do not throw their mistakes in their face, you accept they made an error in judgement and move on. Someone I know did something really bad to me and I have forgiven that person long ago, the problem is that person cannot forgive themselves and carries quite a bit of guilt.

I wish they would forgive themselves and look at the good part, they met me because of it and I am a pretty awesome person, just ask me. I am what you see there are no hidden agendas or some grand scheme in the making, no I am just me and I like me.

I try to find the good in everyone and I try to help when ever I can, which is a major fault of mine as I am finding out over and over again, now that is insanity for sure but I just can’t seem to learn my lesson. One thing I do know is I am never going to be wiring money to anyone soon, nope got  my hands full with this one.



Syllables I do speak, I do write, I do convey to you, these are my gifts to you and you alone. My syllables are mine alone and I share them with you and you alone. Do you listen closely as you read the words to yourself? Do you not see me in your mind and heart?

I sit naked in the corner with my knees pulled up under my chin, I think of you and I and I think will I ever be we? Will there ever be a thee? Are not my syllables enough to tell you my love for you comes from depths of what is I. 

I am not a myth, I am not a lie I am love in the purest of form, raw, naked and giving to you and only you. Do not trifle with my emotions as I am barely stable. I have searched forever but until you I did not realize that searching was not the key.

Just, just waiting when God sees my suffering shall come to and end and so I may share with you the wisdom I have learned on the pot holed road I have fallen on many a time. I lay bare and naked to you, I am the gift that God sends to you.

Love the gift and treat her well as God has made her road a rough one to share so she has traveled it alone and you shall reap the knowledge that only my heart knows of. I give you what has been given to me to pass onto you, to make you wiser and more compassionate.

I give all of me to you through my Syllables

Destine To Be

I am very spiritual and believe strongly in God but I am not a “Jesus Freak” or pound the pavement trying to get others to believe in my beliefs. I am a “quiet” believer in God as I carry him within my heart but do not speak of what I believe in to others.

Everyone has the right to believe in their own form of “God” and I believe God has a plan for each and every one of us. I believe that God protects and watches over me and I believe he has chosen who I shall spend the rest of my life with.

I am a one man woman and do not take relationships lightly, I am totally committed or not committed at all and that is how I am when I am involved with someone. That person becomes the only one that gets my affection and I find that hard for others to do.

I want to be of help to the person of my affections and I want to see that their life is happy and I am always there for them. I accept them for who they are and do not try to change them as I do not want anyone to try and change me.

I have my quirks like most people but nothing dramatic or out of the ordinary, I love to make people laugh and make them happy and I enjoy taking care of the one that is receiving my love. Love is defined differently by each person but I believe it is respect, caring, helping, understanding, communication and so much more.

I want love in my life and I want to share my life with another, I have reached the point that I am ready for a relationship. It’s been a year and one half since my husband passed and I have not been with a man since he passed.

You know when you are finally ready to get involved and for me it’s been a hell of a long time but yes I am ready and I know that I am ready to love someone and to be loved by them. I want to be held so bad and feel the arms of a man around me.

I want to lie in bed next to man and feel loved, really feel loved and I want to have fun and enjoy life with another. I hadn’t realized that life without love is quite barren until recently, yes I do want to be loved and to love and I want to laugh and be silly.

I do not know why God is keeping the man of my affections from coming to me but I do believe everything happens when it is suppose to and not a minute sooner. You cannot speed up what God controls and you cannot make things happen before their time.

We are destine to be together one day as that is what God has planned for both of us. He set the wheels in motion three years ago and they are still spinning. One day I will be with my soul mate and that day cannot come soon enough.