The Wish Of Christmas

My wish for Christmas is that my children stay healthy and know that I love them. My wish of Christmas that I may touch people in a helpful and positive manner. I want not for myself because what I want and need cannot be purchased and comes with no price tag. I just want those that are grieving to know we grieve together.

We may feel we are alone at times but we are never truly alone as our loved ones are with us. I know those that have moved on never forget us and they look down upon us with love and hope for our happiness. It is difficult to be without family and the holidays are terribly lonely without them but we must remember the joy we brought into each other’s lives.

The tear you shed today comes back to you in the form of a hug you cannot see and a kiss you can feel but lips you cannot see. Hold tight to those good memories and be thankful you had the time you did with that person. Be thankful you have family and those of us that do not, let it be known we hold hands and are together.

Tears Of Holiday

This is the first Christmas without my dad and the second Christmas without my husband. I quit enjoying holidays the year I got married. Watching my kids open gifts was always a delight but when that was over I considered the day over and I was always glad. Tears of Holidays follow me like my shadow and I always cry these days over the empty, lost feeling of being alone on the holidays.

My kids have their own agenda and the closest I have been to my son in quite a while was tonight when both of us ran for the bathroom, him to puke and me, well there are certain foods that shoot through my system like a cannon. I do have to laugh because he puked all over the toilet, himself and me and I shit all over myself.

We didn’t know which smelled worse but both of us ended up taking showers, like yesterday. It just amazes me how we have four bathrooms but we seem to always use the one. I wonder if that is the case in most homes or is this just another oddity to this household.

I do not have a single decoration up or a Christmas tree and I just do not have any desire to celebrate the holiday’s because there is nothing for me to celebrate. Do I celebrate my dad’s death? My husband’s? No, I celebrate nothing even though Christmas has nothing to do with us or buying presents.

 

Nick

The Beach Boys were very popular when I was like 5 or 6 and Christmas just wasn’t Christmas without this song. 

We were living with my grandparents on their farm and Christmas morning was always so exciting, as it should be for kids. My grandparents pinned our stockings to the back of the couch because we had no fireplace. They would be filled with walnuts, apples and oranges so of course we never bothered with them, lol.

I can remember listening to Little St. Nick in my nightgown watching the snow fall and opening presents. Christmas was as it should be, fun, exciting and filled with love and laughter. It’s been many years since I have felt that way about Christmas and I do not know if I will ever feel that way again.

Holidays are for families and I have spent several holidays all by myself with a microwave dinner and tv. It’s a lonely place to be by yourself on a holiday and it makes you really appreciate your loved ones. I would so love to spend a holiday with someone who loved me for me but that has yet to happen, minus my children of course.